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Throwing The First Stone

6

I swore in front of Dan. We were talk­ing about Monty Python, and I wanted to tell him about John Cleese’s use of the word “fuck” at Graham Chapman’s funeral. It was the per­fect oppor­tu­nity, because I wasn’t swear­ing myself, sim­ply quot­ing some­one else. I could have said “the f-word”, but I didn’t.

I’d been hold­ing back for a while. I don’t swear in front of some­one until they do it first, the way I don’t use the Lord’s name in vain around Christians until they do. I usu­ally let the other per­son go first, to gauge their per­son­al­i­ties and adapt. I think Dan was the same way though, and he was hold­ing back. Like wait­ing for the other per­son in a rela­tion­ship to break wind, some­one, sooner or later, has to be first.

Dan swears in front of me too now. Nothing vul­gar or exces­sive, but it’s good to know that clean-cut Dan has a hard edge too him.

Date  July 9, 2007
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Categories  Random

The Old Boys of '99: My Perspective

9

Thumbnail: My school ties

My years at Upper Canada College were of angst. I was an out­sider with­out friends, alien to an insti­tu­tion filled with sports stars and over-achievers. They con­sid­ered me worth­less, excelling nei­ther in aca­d­e­mics nor ath­let­ics, con­trasted against these future lead­ers and pow­er­ful men.

I passed through the hal­lowed halls of UCC, dec­o­rated with boards filled with names — com­mu­nity ser­vice lead­ers, schol­ar­ship recip­i­ents, mil­i­tary achiev­ments — with­out mak­ing so much as a whis­per. When I left, it felt as if I had lost a great opportunity.

It was par­tially my own fault. A lack of con­fi­dence and poor social skills made me an out­cast. But it was as much the fault of an insti­tu­tion with short­com­ings of its own.

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Date  July 6, 2007
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Categories  Photos Random

Antipathy Never Came So Quickly

6

Try to put me down and make me feel bad. Do your best to make your­self look good.

Throw some advice my way (I’ll leave it). Assume you know me bet­ter than I know myself (what arro­gance!). Give me some food for thought, and believe you were any­thing more than a pass­ing fancy (but try to get over yourself).

My god, how wrong I was about you.

Date  July 4, 2007
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Categories  Random

Canada Day '07

4

Thumbnail: Brownies and oatmeal cookies

Thumbnail: Chaos stretches

Fresh veg­eta­bles and peanut but­ter on burg­ers. A low-key deal before leav­ing. I’m lucky enough to be one of the few.

It’s mad­ness out­side. Madness at the stops. Madness on the bus. People rowdy, drunk and drink­ing. People wear­ing Canadian, drink­ing Canadian, speak­ing Canadian, bear­ing the stan­dard on cheeks and arms and hats and bod­ies. Kids, kids throw­ing beer bot­tles out the win­dow, pour­ing Smirnoff ice in their empty water containers.

It’s passed mid­night, dark­ness out the win­dow, and reflec­tions press them­selves on me. She looks through me at him and I can see the love tri­an­gle in her smile.

Ambulances pass us by. People face-down on the ground. Police ques­tion­ing witnesses.

Everyone’s at the same party, but me.

Looking for some calm in this chaos, I turn up the vol­ume to drown them out.

you’ve got the lot to burn
a shelve of pig smoth­erd cries
is there a spirit that spits
upon the exit of signs?

is any­body there? (spines in a row)
these steps keep on grow­ing long (spite as an arrow)
bay­o­net tri­als rust pro­pellers await

no

nobody is heard

But my calm is no less chaotic.

Date  July 2, 2007
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Categories  Daily Life Photos

A Staple In My Tea

6

I just found a sta­ple — a used, bent sta­ple — in my loose leaf Mao Feng tea from Nihao Tea House. I don’t know if I can trust Nihao any­more, which is unfor­tu­nate, as it’s the only tea house in the vicinity.

The girl who works there is some­what of an anom­aly; a Canadian-born Chinese, I’d say only a few years younger than me, wear­ing a Mickey Mouse shirt. My gen­er­a­tion of CBCs usu­ally adapt to the Canadian way of life, eschew­ing the cutesy cul­ture of Hello Kitty, designer sta­tion­ary, and stuffed car orna­ments. An impos­tor, by banana1 stan­dards, like a rogue sta­ple among some tea leaves.

  1. yel­low on the out­side, hol­low on the inside [↑]
Date  July 1, 2007
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Categories  Random
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