@Pearl — I remember that pressure was great in school. I’d always leave things to the last minute, and it’d force me to get things done. At work, however, it’s opposite. The pressure is just stress. After reading your comment, I realized that in certain situations, such as at work and writing, pressure stifles creativity. Maybe I’m putting too much pressure on myself.

Pressure and inspiration don’t always mesh well. Give it time.

When things go flat for me, I realize I’ve fallen into romancing the trauma. There’s a restlessness with lack of intensity but intensity comes back like a bad penny. One viscerally needs down time.

A writer to my mind needs to be a thinker and an expresser. Literary device is nice, a polish, an angle, but ideas are the foundation.

That’s been my challenge lately..
NOT to let my mind race off into the future, or ponder too muchover the past, or even over what’s just happend, but to really be HERE , right now and aware.
talk about growth

hee hee

Hopefully there’ll be something new in the summer. There are a few projects I’ve been meaning to dive into, and the prospect of starting something new is filling me with excitement.

@amy — I suppose I am my own worst critic. It’s hard for me to judge myself; I do so harshly because at the same time, it drives me to be better, but I guess there’s a balance between being inspired and being discouraged.

Stephen King said, “Read four hours a day and write four hours a day. If you cannot find the time for that, you can’t expect to become a good writer.” I believe it. I’m not a good writer or photographer, because I spread myself too thin and don’t focus. I wouldn’t really consider someone an “artist” unless they made money off their work. Perhaps an amateur writer or photographer.

Still, it’s nice to think that there are those who enjoy what I do write and photograph enough to keep coming back. :)

I’ve had the same dreams for as long as I can remember — to be a director, a composer, a published writer, a tai chi master — but I don’t work towards them with the same fervour that I once did. Perhaps a new-found sense of patience or humbleness or maybe even practicality has done this. I understand that as I pursue all these things, I’ll never be outstanding in any one of them. If you chase two rabbits, you lose both.

You’re right though, I’m definitely going through some sort of writers block. Maybe it’s because I stick to a certain writing schedule, which I’ve decided to abandon for now. Ironically, I think my frustration about this block has made for a pretty good entry.

@Dave — Your comment made me think if, as of late, I’ve accepted an average life. I haven’t pushed the boundaries for a while. Perhaps I’ve simply achieved too much stability. It’s definitely something for me to keep in mind as the summer approaches.

It’s an interesting idea that you make yourself vulnerable through your writing, not just through content, but your mistakes. It’s like letting down your guard. It makes me wonder how much I care about being perceived a certain way.

@Xibee — I don’t think I judge myself so much as compare. I know it’s wrong, that there will always be someone out there who is better, but it’s in my nature. When I see something beautiful, it’s not uncommon for me to be both inspired and discouraged at the same time.

Play.

And you’ll create.

I’m going through a phase of writing that feels very sloppy, less coherent than I know it could be. I’m writing late at night while I’m sleepy, and am posting without doing second or third drafts. I’m becoming practiced in making myself more vulnerable, and instead of killing me, it’s made me more resilient. Part of me is horrified, of course, especially when I compare what I’ve been writing to the craft with which someone like you posts, but then again I’m a different these days, writing for a different purpose. When I started, I wrote for myself to find my own truth. Now, I write for an extended group of friends I’ve never met, and I let a little of that vulnerability show through through bad grammar and awkward turns of phrase. This makes me more approachable, and to my surprise I am discovering that I like it. I’m not saying this is what YOU need, but I am imagining that you have an interesting tension between the desire for intimacy and the need to control how you’re perceived. To what end, I am not sure.

Of course, when not a writer then a reader be. Thought needs to be fed, lest it starve, weaken and die a televised death.

And for the record, everyone goes through that once in a while. Sartre talked about it all the time. It’s the nausea which we sink to and rise from in between the peaks of elation. In the end, however, you are responsible for all action, since all options are always open to you, in one way or another. What your mind does — well, that you can only control to a certain extent. Keep thinking.