thanks for sharing your story. I know it must be quite painful to reveal your abusive past. you may still suffer from it. i’ve also been a victim of physical and emotional abuse by both parents who were Chinese for a long time. My father was working away from home a lot and my mother was isolated in our white community in her efforts to bring me up away from Chinese people so that my English and our lives would ‘improve’. Who knows if that’s the real reason why my mother didn’t want to associate with other Chinese but I think the reasons are not so genuine. Both parents were very jealous of my ambitions as they were very working class. My mother caused so much non-stop drama in my life that even my half-sister from my father’s first marriage attempted suicide due to the neglect of my parents love.

My mother used to criticise everything that I did on a daily basis. sometimes depending on her mood she would just throw things at my head and punch me in my face. It’s hard to believe a ‘woman’ would behave in such an aggressive way. Especially since i was a girl. Luckily my half sister would intervene and one time called the social services on her. We didn’t press charges in the end as it broke my heart if my mother was to end up in jail. All I wanted was for my mother to love me and to change. Once I told my dad about the abuse but he just changed the subject. I feared my mother until I was able to leave for college. Even then her wrath didn’t end as she would call me non-stop to tell me about her abusive childhood by her own mother who would hit her head with a pair of heels. So now I had to soothe her feelings in order for my tuition to get paid. I finally dropped out of college after 2 yrs and moved to another country. Then my dad left my mother as he had enough (he always put me and my mother down at home and said how stupid we were as he had no respect for women being a chauvinistic pig). He married his younger girlfriend and doesn’t contact any of his children. all my life I never saw my dad smile. my mother was miserable in the end and tried to lighten up and be nicer to me as now she had no one. well it was too late. she ended up dying in her sleep one night at an early age. so now I don’t have any parents.

at times, people have said the same when i was younger, such as your mom is still your mom etc… if they only knew. I think people who have not sufffered as much can’t understand so now I just don’t tell anyone what has happened as people don’t like hearing these traumas anyway. it has left me scarred but I try to be strong in life and not left my parents damage my life any further. it’s hard as you need family to support you cos no one else will. i just hope when i have children that they will never have the life i had.

take care and best of luck

I don’t know the whole situation, but it sounds to me like your mother was very jealous that you had an opportunity she may have not had.

Thanks for sharing yourself as well.

I too, had to cut my mother out of my life. I was 30 years old when I finally hung up on her and vowed to never call her again. It’s been 3 years, and I haven’t. (Thanks to some heavy therapy).

The most disturbing thing about my mother, was the resentment she harbored for my college education. When I confronted her and asked why she was so bitter that I was in school, trying to better my life- her response was, “What’s good for me, is good for you.”
Having kids myself, I can’t fathom that kind of twisted thinking. Wouldn’t you want your own children to go worlds above and beyond you in life? To be successful, and happy?

Thank you for sharing such private thoughts and experiences with us, Jeff.

@Pearl — I ask because my friend interpreted your question differently from the way I did. I think country heritage are both related though; culture often comes from location.

Where are you from spiritually would make for a delightful long teatime entry point for a rambly conversation.

It’s interesting to know that you haven’t been able to forgive them for it, as you’ve got a couple extra years on me. Sometimes I wonder if time will let me forgive mine, but with every passing day a feeling of calm and freedom grows within me. I still think of hanging up on my mom and remember how good it felt.

But my career aims and talents were continually ignored at every turn. I believe they did that purposely and knowledgeably and I can’t forgive them for it. I would have had a much different life with proper support and encouragement.

All we can do is continue and hope those around us now are more supportive.

I had a root beer scratch and sniff. I remembered my album this week. At Home Depot there are “fragrance filters” for your ductwork with a scratch and sniff sticker on the packages.

Those words that come at you as a child just resonate on and on, I know.

Glad people stand behind you when they get the reason for divorcing your folks.