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I still stagger and fall. Of course I have that, it happens to me all the time, you just have to get very careful about it, because it’s inappropriate for an elderly chap to register authentically his feelings, you know, because they really could be interpreted, so you really have to get quite covert as you get older or you have to find some avuncular way of responding, but still, you just, really are just, you’re wounded, you stagger, and you fall.

—Leonard Cohen at 72

In 50 years, will I look at love with the same starry-eyed mysticism as I do now?

Will I be satisfied, having loved enough, requited and not?

In my dotage, will I be proud to say that I was adored once, too?

Will I still fall?

What an overwhelming experience.

There was barely any time to explore; we took one walk and pretty much stayed within a 10km radius. Too much reading, testing, and meeting to do anything else. It felt like the time went flying by, yet dragged on, the longer I was from home.

As an introvert, you fall back on memories and past experiences, and it drives reflection and re-evaluation.

I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t affect me. I learned more about myself in the last two weeks than I did in the last year, and I’ll be writing about it for weeks, if not months.

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A design realignment

The problem with having a specific layout style is that it only caters to one mood or topic.

In an attempt to achieve even more universal mid-tone minimalism, I’ve re-aligned things a bit: more contrast, bolder titles, composition to a vertical rhythm, and a lack of that titular capital E that was taunting my sense of alignment.

Let’s see how long this lasts.

Blogging milestone

The number of comments I’ve received has exceeded the number of entries I’ve written, the latter of which passed 1000 this year. I remember when I first started in 2002, using a basic content management system I wrote with Perl scripts. It didn’t even support comments. Eventually I moved to Movable Type, and finally settled on Wordpress.

I’m glad to say that I don’t get any more of those random one or two word comments that never actually say anything, although they’re pretty common on other blogs.

They give me feedback, make me think, and further the discussion of what I say.

Balls of Fury

In this secret society, the competition is brutal and the stakes are high. It is the unsanctioned, underground, and utterly unhinged world of clandestine Ping-Pong tournaments. Down-and-out former professional Ping-Pong phenom Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is sucked into this maelstrom when FBI Agent Rodriguez (George Lopez) recruits him.

Balls of Fury, a comedy that mixes ping-pong, matrix effects, and Christopher Walken, comes out in less than a month. George Lopez’s Scarface impression is spot on, and the fact that it’s based on Enter the Dragon (although the title comes from another Bruce Lee movie, Fist of Fury) gives it even more super awesome flava.

My friends agreed to come watch it in the theaters with me. Even Bronwen is going to make it, travelling over 700km to be here. I’ve been chomping at the bit to see this since John sent me the trailer last year.

A trip to New Hamshire

This Sunday, I’ll be flying to New Hampshire — with cohort Louise — for two weeks of training. The schedule is pretty open, with nights and weekends off, giving us a chance to travel and explore.

Confidence and sociability comes and goes in cycles for me. When I first found out about the trip I was at a low-point, so I wasn’t feeling strong enough to make extra plans. Such plans would have included taking a few extra days off to meet Maggie (aka number18) at my transfer in Philly on the way back. One day I’ll get to meet her and take pictures of her.

The good thing is that I’m on an up-swing right now, so the excitement is starting to settle in my brain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was an entertaining night. A sit-where-you-please atmosphere, devoid of stiff shirts and long speeches. Rob even donned his baseball cap for the entire ceremony. I got to know Mark better too, in the car and at the table.

The only thing that marred the evening was Sarah proving herself to be an idiot, devoid of any social graces or conversation skills. At one point, she brilliantly remarked that she “loves Johnny Cash” when the DJ put on Love Me Tender. Another person I put on my list of people to avoid like they’re coming at you with a bottle of horse semen.

I tried to get as much bright, high-contrast photography as I could, playing around with both direct and bounced flash. I also got to try a different photo workflow, which involved separating the colour channels and pulling out bits for contrast. The 24-70mm is supposed to be the bread and butter of wedding photographers, and this makes perfect sense to me now as it stayed on my camera for most of the night.

When I die, let there be no obituaries or announcements, for the ones who should know, would know.

Let there be a gathering instead of a funeral, where my friends can relax and speak what they wish.

Let the dress be casual, for no one should be anything but themselves around me.

Let there be mention of my flaws, for there would be no truth or humanity without them.

Let there be humour and laughter, for I love these things in my life.

Let there be no religious service, for my life has been devoid of religion.

Let there be as much celebration of my life as there is mourning that it has ended.

Let everyone have a copy of Turn On The Bright Lights by which to remember me.

Let my ashes be scattered, for I hope to carve my name on hearts, not marble.