An Assortment of Messages // equivocality

I never used to answer my phone.

Part of it was because I was being stalked by a crazy girl for a while. Somehow she got my number and called a few times, but Trolley picked up and was able to warn me.

The other reason was because I used to be stoned almost every minute off work. Dealing with people in the outside world was an instant buzz kill.

It’s only recently that I’ve started taking calls again. The languid process of rehabilitating my social skills has been rather slow. Sometimes I get so busy that I don’t have time to check my messages, and they build up into strange archives like this, circa last month.

0:22	John gives me the funniest advice sometimes. I never did call the girl. Anyone who comes on that strong is usually trouble.
1:13	Dan is easily the most loquacious person that I know, yet he’s perfectly succinct when leaving messages. I find it funny that he always leaves his number at the end. I guess we don’t see each other enough for him to be sure that I haven’t lost it. Last time was November. I should give him a call.
1:25	One time, Pat asked me for my birth date. He told me that he wrote down the date and stuck it to his fridge, so he would be reminded every time he went to grab something to eat. Apparently, he’s terrible at remembering birthdays, so for him to remember mine was quite a gesture.
1:42	My dad left me two messages. They’re rather short, so I’ll give a quick translation. First call: “Jeff, it’s Daddy. Just calling to talk. I’m guessing you went out. I’ll call you later, bye bye.” Second call: “Hi Jeff, it’s Daddy. Daddy moved, so there’s a new address and number. I’ll call you later. Bye bye.” The first two words he says are are my Chinese name, and “Daddy” doesn’t need to be translated.
2:08	This is the creepiest message I’ve ever received. I have no idea who it is, but they know my name. I can’t even tell if they’re male or female. I tried to do a reverse lookup on the number, and called it even, but it’s not in service. The only words I can make out are “Hi Jeff, this is Emily…had to fight for your number…maybe you want to chill some time”.
2:33	Even though we already broke up, Bronwen has no problem telling me that she loves me, then calling me a loser. To this day, our relationship is defined by this very repartee.

10 comments — Follow the feed

#1Jason

Bronwen’s messages made me crack up.

#2ACG

i love that your dad’s message is all in chinese except for “bye bye”.

#3amy

that creepy message….was eff-ing creeeeepy
it sounds like a man trying to sound like a woman, and if it IS a woman, she sounds pretty eff-in’ messed up.

and the ex-girlfriend message is funny..did she have bi-polar tendancies?
that might explain alot…

funny blog posting,
thanks for the entertainment

cheers

#4Xibee

I think Bronwen sounds about like me: I call my husband a twit and dork, and he knows it’s endearing… I did have to explain it to him at first though….

I can’t hear your Chinese name very well — something ga le?– how would you spell it in English? What’s it mean? Sounds nice. But then I’m partial to Guantonghwa.

That unknown person is a FREAKAZOID. Do not call!.

#5Jeff

@Jason — I know…they still crack me up too.

@ACG — That and “Daddy” too. They both must be pretty universal.

@amy — I asked a few people what gender they believe the creepy caller to be, and no one’s been able to give me a definitive answer.

No bi-polar tendancies (actually, she’s not even very moody), but I’ll tell her you said that. I’m sure she’d get a kick out of it.

@Xibee — I think that type of sarcastic endearment is a sign of trust. One has to feel very secure to pull it off.

Gah Lie is a pretty close spelled pronounciation. I’m not sure how it would be spelled “correctly” because there’s a standard system to do it, the name of which escapes me now.

It took me a little bit to realize that Guantonghwa is the phonetic pronounciation of the word “Cantonese” in Cantonese, which you figured out that my dad was speaking. Very good!

#6Causalien

Am i thinking what you are thinking about Brownen’s voice?

#7Jeff

I love it. I think it’s adorable. What are you thinking?

She’s really embarrased by it though. Sometimes I play the clip when we’re on the phone, and she’ll start growling like a chiwahwah.

#8pita

She has an angelic voice.

#9Jeff

Oh sure…an angel who STEALS MY CHOCOLATE.

#10Causalien

Hey, you asked for trouble when you started stocking chocolate while having a gf