“You’re the perfect woman.”
She realizes this as she writes down my chest, waist, and hip size, then asks rhetorically, “What are the typically ideal measurements?”.
Aaron and I could only look at each other, as we had no idea.
“36–26–36.”
“Wow, so you’re a really hot chick!”, says Aaron.
Hi-LAR-ious. Years of confidence I’ve gained, girlfriends convincing me that I’m not too skinny, gone.
“And how much do you weigh?”
“(Pause)…113″.
“After he’s had a buffet”, Aaron adds. My friend the comedian. To console me, he says, “It’s okay. Remember, you’ll be paired up with Jenn in the party”.
My counterpart. The tiniest girl I know.
In the last few years I’ve been to weddings for other friends, but Aaron’s the first out of my core group to get married (although Pat got engaged before him). To pay tribute to his culture, he wants the wedding to be a bit Scottish — something his Popa is especially pleased about.
As a groomsman, I’ll be wearing a kilt. As a Chinese guy, I’ll be feeling a little out-of-place.
He asked me to give him a hand in shopping for the regalia. What a culture shock. Looking through catalogues of claidheamh, sporrans, Sgian Dubhs, Ghillies Brogues. I can’t even pronounce the names. My tongue wasn’t made for these kinds of inflections.
“It’ll take you guys longer to get dressed than the bride”.
Before we leave I remember to ask, “Can we go traditional?”, with Aaron adding, “My Popa would be pretty upset if we didn’t”.
Traditional. The euphemism for commando. The euphemism for bear-ass naked.
“Don’t worry, everything is dry-cleaned”, say the woman reassuringly.
It’s only after we leave that I realize everything but the shirt is made of wool.
I’ll be scratching my balls through the whole service.
I’d like to be there. Have a great day.
Should be ok, as long as you’re not doing it in the photos ;)
Hope you’ll be posting some photographic evidence of your kilted adventures.
@JB — Assuming you don’t know any of the people getting married, why would you like to be there?
@Bean — We’ll be traditional in the photos, just not showing it off. Although I do have a few upskirt pictures planned. So don’t worry, I’ll have as many kilted adventure photos as possible with me being involved in the wedding party.
Hey, great finish to your post. Also a great start to my day! Don’t feel too out of place — considering how close friends you are with Aaron, I suspect you’re in the exact right place. Cheers :)
Being Cameron Scots myself, and having already written about the reluctance of a Korean husband to go anywhere NEAR a kilt, I am delighted to hear you are doing so. I can’t wait to see you, you’ll look terrific, I’m sure. I could digress further in a way, but I’m zipping it for now. While… you’re… not zipping it.
I really can’t imagine anything that sounds more adorable than a Chinese guy in a kilt.
@Nick — Thanks Nick. You’re probably right. Ball scratching is universal, whether it’s kilted or not.
@Xibee — Hahahha…I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to try wearing something as cool as a kilt. I’m just hoping the toothpicks they call my legs will be able to hold up the hose.
@ACG — I’ve never actually seen a Chinese guy in a kilt, so people will soon be finding out if that’s true.
Jeff, there has got to be one on google image search… and i’m off to find it!
tip — do not google image search “asian kilt” at work. just don’t!
Hhahhahahhhahah…I never even thought about a Google image search, and until your warning, I never realized the connotations either.
I’ve been around my fair share of kilts. Been to a few Scottish weddings, my mum was in a pipe band and I was a Scottish cadets unit. From all of this, there is one important thing I’ve learned. Fasten. In any way you can. Anchor down, for serious.
Oh, wonderful. No skipping on the picture displays !
@Reno — Fasten what? The kilt? Am I supposed to anchor the hem down with weights or something?
@Phaedra — I’ll get as many photos as I can. Unfortunately, they’ll be quite limited with my role in the wedding party.
@Xibee — Did you type something in the comment? Because it didn’t come out.
Sorry, I was putting a left arrow and dashes that pointed to my name and then said “googling Asian kilt” , but apparently it didn’t print. Did my symbol negate the post somehow? Hm. Now the lightness of it is a lead balloon. Damn.
Nah, a heavy sporran should do the trick as long as it’s not windy out.
Hey Bro, I think you’re going to have the women all over you. These “macho” guys who say they won’t wear a “dress” don’t know what they’re missing! And for what it counts, I think you’re not only a hot chick, but also a hot guy! :P I also think we’ll be competing for the thinest legs!
@Reno — I’ll be sure to fill my sporran with coins or alcohol or something. Thanks for the advice, I’ll put it to good use.
@Aaron — We must wager money on this. $200 on mine being thinnest!
wooot
outta be a ‘hoot’
Nice paying homage to his scottish roots
must be a helluvalot more expensive than a traditional ‘tux’
you may be cursing the woll, but if it’s a winter wedding you’ll be more than thankful
just watch gettin in and outta the car
dont wanna see any ‘brittany spears’ happenings sans briefs
and watch for gusts of wind too..those kilts are FULL kilts..they can real flair out when u spin around…
hehehehehehe
cant wait to see the pics and video
cheers!
The regalia is quite a bit more expensive. It’s amazing how much the cost of things add up, for tiny items such as kilt pins and what not.
It’ll be a spring/summer wedding, so I’m hoping the breeze will work in my favour to keep my cool. I never even thought about the kilt being “full” and catching the wind. With this in mind, I hope I can keep the public nudity to a minimum. I don’t know how women walk around with these things all the time.
well most woman don’t go “traditional”.
…And oddly enough it’s only those little flaggy things that hang from your sock garters that are called the “flashers.“
(Note: Be sure they’re turned 3/4 of the way out on the leg. I was warned with dire seriousness on that point by a Scottish shopowner, they get rabid about stuff like that…)
@ACG — That’s true. At least women have backup.
@Xibee — The woman in the store let us know how every little detail matters. She said that there was one man straight from Scotland who rented from her shop, and got everything but the Sgian Dubhs because she was out of stock. He was furious when he found out, but went to the wedding without it. Afterwards, he was completely shocked that no one noticed.
The kilts are 16oz, which as far as I know, means they’re on the heavier side than the light side (where a skirt might be). Also, I’m almost certain the sporran is meant as backup or any … “overly excited” men.
At least, I’ve assured Rob that he’s safe with the weight and the sporran combined! :)
I am right there with you when you wonder how women can wear dresses/skirts all the time … I don’t know how they do it so successfully. I think it’s going to be funny to see how each groomsman handles the extra responsibility to not flash anyone … more than once.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Pretty funny stuff! The questions are a riot!
~Alex