Comments on: The Bias of Insecurity http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/ To be equivocal is to truly live. Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:43:14 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8 hourly 1 By: Jeff http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30219 Jeff Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:22:38 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30219 Apology accepted. Let's move on. Best of luck in your design endevours, and I hope you have fun. Apology accepted. Let’s move on. Best of luck in your design endevours, and I hope you have fun.

]]> By: sergio http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30212 sergio Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:55:10 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30212 Jeff, I'm was a bigot with you, sorry. I think your arguments are right. I got blind because I felt hurt. And I felt hurt because I felt embarrassed. I was compulsive. I apologize. I hope you accept my apology. I closed my blog until it is completely redesigned. It is an experience to be an idiot. Again my apologies. Best regards, Sergio Jeff,

I’m was a bigot with you, sorry. I think your arguments are right. I got blind because I felt hurt. And I felt hurt because I felt embarrassed. I was compulsive. I apologize. I hope you accept my apology. I closed my blog until it is completely redesigned. It is an experience to be an idiot.

Again my apologies. Best regards, Sergio

]]> By: Causalien http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30209 Causalien Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:57:33 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30209 I find that this usually happen when I said something that made people defensive. Some skeleton of them that I didn't know and assumed that they were fine with it. Padding the statement with two compliments about the person I am discussing things with seems to work well. At least it increases the awareness enough that I can sense my idea sinking in during subsequent discussions. I find that this usually happen when I said something that made people defensive. Some skeleton of them that I didn’t know and assumed that they were fine with it.

Padding the statement with two compliments about the person I am discussing things with seems to work well. At least it increases the awareness enough that I can sense my idea sinking in during subsequent discussions.

]]> By: Jeff http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30211 Jeff Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:19:47 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-30211 You do what's called a "compliment sandwich" in business, where people put a criticism in between two compliments. That way, people don't feel like they're being dressed down during reviews. In some situations though, it doesn't make sense to do that. Say someone hits your parked car, and argues it was your fault because you didn't park the right way. Or someone steals your design, and says it should be taken as a compliment. In those cases, those people are unequivocally wrong, but don't want to admit it, so they try to cover up by arguing with more force than you. All you can do is stand firm in your point, and try to calmly and logically explain to them how they're wrong. If I try this at least once, I can give up knowing I tried, and that the problem is with the other person. You do what’s called a “compliment sandwich” in business, where people put a criticism in between two compliments. That way, people don’t feel like they’re being dressed down during reviews.

In some situations though, it doesn’t make sense to do that. Say someone hits your parked car, and argues it was your fault because you didn’t park the right way. Or someone steals your design, and says it should be taken as a compliment. In those cases, those people are unequivocally wrong, but don’t want to admit it, so they try to cover up by arguing with more force than you.

All you can do is stand firm in your point, and try to calmly and logically explain to them how they’re wrong. If I try this at least once, I can give up knowing I tried, and that the problem is with the other person.

]]> By: Jeff http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-9519 Jeff Wed, 19 Sep 2007 03:28:10 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-9519 Short answer: Become a Taoist. :) Long answer: There isn't much you can do about it because these people are blind to their own blindness. The best thing to do, in my humble opinion, is to try explaining to them, "I'm not attacking you, I'm simply differing in my opinion". That way, you can say that at least you tried to get them to see your side as best you could. If she still doesn't understand (and most likely won't), then you can avoid her, or keep conversation brief and curt. If she notices this and asks you if anything is wrong, this can be your opportunity to explain why you don't want to talk to her anymore. If even this doesn't work, then it's probably best that you accept the fact that people like this exist in the world (as a Taoist would). There's nothing you can do to change them, so you can embrace them (much easier said than done, I know), and understand the fact that because of people like this, it helps you appreciate other open-minded, intelligent, and objective people. Short answer: Become a Taoist. :)

Long answer: There isn’t much you can do about it because these people are blind to their own blindness. The best thing to do, in my humble opinion, is to try explaining to them, “I’m not attacking you, I’m simply differing in my opinion”. That way, you can say that at least you tried to get them to see your side as best you could.

If she still doesn’t understand (and most likely won’t), then you can avoid her, or keep conversation brief and curt. If she notices this and asks you if anything is wrong, this can be your opportunity to explain why you don’t want to talk to her anymore.

If even this doesn’t work, then it’s probably best that you accept the fact that people like this exist in the world (as a Taoist would). There’s nothing you can do to change them, so you can embrace them (much easier said than done, I know), and understand the fact that because of people like this, it helps you appreciate other open-minded, intelligent, and objective people.

]]> By: alice http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-9517 alice Wed, 19 Sep 2007 02:15:52 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-9517 i have to deal with a person like this on a daily basis. i dont know what to do. conversations with her drive me crazy. she also takes everything i say as a direct offense to her and her opinions, even though the subject matter has nothing to do with her. any suggestions? i have to deal with a person like this on a daily basis. i dont know what to do. conversations with her drive me crazy. she also takes everything i say as a direct offense to her and her opinions, even though the subject matter has nothing to do with her. any suggestions?

]]> By: Jeff http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1751 Jeff Sat, 20 Jan 2007 01:42:39 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1751 @Travis — Great analogy. It reminds me of a quote from Enter the Dragon: "It is like a finger, pointing away to the moon. Don't concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all that heavenly glory". @Travis — Great analogy. It reminds me of a quote from Enter the Dragon: “It is like a finger, pointing away to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger, or you will miss all that heavenly glory”.

]]> By: Travis http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1713 Travis Wed, 17 Jan 2007 22:15:17 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1713 This is right on the mark. I almost feel guilty for giving up on these people, but they can't see past their own beliefs, thus, often restricting themselves from the truth. While you are trying to point them in the right direction, they are concentrating on your finger, not the path. This is right on the mark. I almost feel guilty for giving up on these people, but they can’t see past their own beliefs, thus, often restricting themselves from the truth. While you are trying to point them in the right direction, they are concentrating on your finger, not the path.

]]> By: Jeff http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1694 Jeff Wed, 17 Jan 2007 03:13:27 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1694 @Reno — Then you know exactly how I felt for much of the weekend. @Anonymous — Two word response: Thank you. @Reno — Then you know exactly how I felt for much of the weekend.

@Anonymous — Two word response: Thank you.

]]> By: Anonymous http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1689 Anonymous Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:37:40 +0000 http://equivocality.com/2007/01/15/the-bias-of-insecurity/#comment-1689 "The discussion is superficial, and the issue lies within the person themselves." Two Word Response: Well said. “The discussion is superficial, and the issue lies within the person themselves.”

Two Word Response: Well said.

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