I can see the pain liv­ing in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I sym­pa­thize
And I’ll nev­er crit­i­cize
All you’ve ever meant to my life

I don’t want to let you down
I don’t want to lead you on
I don’t want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would nev­er ask me why
My heart is so dis­guised
I just can’t live a lie any­more
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There’s noth­ing left to say but good­bye

—Air Supply, Goodbye

Over four years ago, I start­ed this blog because of you. I felt like you nev­er under­stood me, so I need­ed a place where I could express myself with­out any inhi­bi­tions.

I had a lot of hope in you, being drawn to your youth and inno­cence. A lot of hope in us. I always thought you were like clay I could mold. Someone who would even­tu­al­ly com­plete me, but you nev­er changed or showed improve­ment.

It took me a long time to real­ize how wrong it was for me to do that. How wrong it was for me to want you to be a dif­fer­ent per­son.

I hope I did­n’t hurt you. I heard from your broth­er that you’re already on your Masters degree. I hope he’s healthy and hap­py. I hope your par­ents are doing well, that your dad is retired and they’re trav­el­ling out east like they’ve always want­ed when you start­ed uni­ver­si­ty.

There are a lot of fond mem­o­ries of our time togeth­er. I won­der if you believed me when I said that I want­ed to mar­ry you. It was some­thing I hon­est­ly felt at the time, until things start­ed falling apart, and I went through one of my phas­es again. It was­n’t your fault.

I had to end it before I led you on any fur­ther.

The Letter To An Ex-Girlfriend series

1. Introduction
2. Ashley
3. Michele
4. Christie
5. Jackie
6. Louise
7. Bronwen