I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am. Would you even believe me, if I told you why?

If I wasn’t so exhausted, wasn’t so achy, wasn’t so mentally drained…but I know they’re all just excuses, and I gave you my word. Would you even understand, if you knew how much I wanted to be there?

This medicine is like a drug, a bad, cherry-tasting drug, that causes drowsiness and lowers my inhibitions.

So this is where I live now: an attached condominium townhouse. My unit is second from the right, and goes underground. The white windows facing out on the main floor are part of the breakfast nook. There are still boxes everywhere though, and it’ll take at least half a month to get everything cleared out.

It feels good to wake up in my own house, and as such, I now have to fulfill all the promises I made to myself on the satisfaction of such a condition.

• I promise to floss every day.
• I promise to vacuum more often than I did before (how non-committal of me).
• I promise to smoke less weed.
• I promise to stop pouring cooking grease down the drain.
• I promise to film Dolly running her fat ass up the stairs (she never experienced stairs until I moved).
• I promise to walk more often than I ride the bus.
• I promise to get my finances in order, which involves entering all my incomes and expenses into Quicken XG then setting up (virtual) savings accounts for retirement/emergency/pleasure spending.
• I promise to keep my room spotless.
• I promise to read more than I watch movies.

I left work about halfway through the day. A sharp pain was starting to develop on the sides of my head, and I was generally sore all over. Even while chewing or swallowing, there was a tremendous pressure from the head of my mandibular condyle to the inner ear. Most likely, I was starting to run myself down; the last time I felt like this was after an all-night shift at the Office of the Superintendent of Bankruptcy, and I ended up running a fever and missing two days of work there. Shirley convinced me to take an extra strength Tylenol (with codeine), which is something I rarely do. I’ve always believed in paying attention to the pain signals that the body gives off.

Trolley and I, with the assistance of Aaron, moved a significant portion of chattel through the week, translating into late nights and miserable days. Every previous night, I’d verbally consider sleeping in the next day knowing how hard it would be, and as Trolley noted, I’d never end up doing so. Even this morning I couldn’t sleep, so I got to work at ten past seven, more than half an hour early. It’s good to know that I was able to be stronger mentally than physically, something that has always been difficult for me to balance. Usually it feels like my body is giving out first, but afterwards, I realize that I could have handled more. This time, my body is actually telling me that I’m overworked. I think the key is convincing myself that physical discomfort is just a temporary feeling that can be ignored.

It’ll all be worth it once I’m settled down, which will most likely not be until I get my closet doors installed. I’m replacing my white ones with mirrors, and since the closet runs the entire width of the wall, they all need to be custom sized. It’s the last thing that’ll be done before I really feel like I’m in my own home. The mirrors should make the room look twice as big and appropriately darker. I got the quote today, and it’s just under two grand, tax in, including installation. I decided to go ahead with it, since it’s actually cheaper than I expected, so they should be arriving in 6 to 14 days.

Next week is haircut, getting custom-fitted venetian blinds, Christine’s birthday dinner, and a lot of unpacking.