I pointed out the only cute one to Shirley, and she teased me about it for the rest of the night. I only chose her because she had those glasses and that look. She was the type before I discovered discovered that I have no type. Almost every time something like this happens, I realize that they’re almost twice my age, and I wonder if there’s anything wrong with me. The other guys I know feel guilty cause they talk to girls who are sometimes 10 years younger than them. I feel guilty cause I catch myself flirting with women who are more than 10 years older than me. I feel even more guilty when they decide to wear their ornamented engagement rings when wedding bands would be more appropriate, or when they show me pictures of their kids.

In almost all my relationships, it feels like I’ve been waiting for my girlfriend to catch up. The only one who seemed to be on par or perhaps ahead, was simply fucking nuts. To me, the only saving grace was a mix of open-minded vulnerability and the ability to channel this vulnerability into change, but most had one but not the other. Perhaps I’m biased in believing that a woman, not a girl, would have enough strength and experience to posses the proper mix of both. I realize that I’m probably usually wrong in this belief because most of the older men and women that I know are still very blissfully ignorant, and have become too old to change their ways (and this fact was a cause of a lot of my previous loss of faith in humanity). Every now and then though, there’ll be one woman who stands out because I can read her like a book.

And she’ll be enough to keep my faith alive.