Cooperative Dissent // equivocality

Posted in: Thoughts | Tags: friendship, John, reflection

I have so many things on my mind, so many things I want to write about, have been planning on writing about even, but this seems to be the only thing in which I can properly express myself.

John and I parted yesterday, agreeing that we would plan to see each other over the summer. It was the first time that we parted with embraces, and up to then, we had always left each other with verbal salutations. I realized that I started asking him for advice, a line I had never crossed with him before. Our minds generally don’t match. We may get along well (one may even say famously, in the superlative sense), but we also have different levels of tolerance, different goals, different worldviews, different strengths and weaknesses.

So what has changed? What has made me trust him in this now, when I haven’t in the past? I rarely heed his advice; it’s usually so completely different from what I’m thinking, and I almost never agree on the set of thoughts on which they’re based.

Perhaps this new-found trust is due to the fact that I’m slowly starting to understand a part of his mind that has baffled me in the past: a seemingly inherent evil. I felt like I couldn’t trust him, because I felt like nobody should trust him, and it became serious enough to make me question the foundation of our friendship.

At one point I started to distance myself from him, although later on (perhaps solely) due to the fact that it showed he actually cared about this, I started to trust him again. This made it a blind trust, because it wasn’t based on a train of thought of his that I could actually understand.

Now, I can more make sense of his words, his actions. Even with a liberal dose of some seemingly heartless, coldhearted comments (very broad), which even made me feel like a moral person, I trust him more than ever.

Why do these words come so easily?

Perhaps he can be viewed as a friend in the logical sense. He sees friendship as a sort of symbiosis, a mutually beneficial relationship. Although there are circumstances which he may find beneficial to disregard any sort of proper morals (such as a stab in the back for further gain), he also understands that following these morals and having strong relationships is much more beneficial in the long run.

He can’t be blamed for this approach to friendship. I’m starting to believe that there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, I’d probably completely believe in it, if my mind wasn’t so hesitant about admitting that I was very, very wrong, and very, very ignorant. I had always viewed it as a being his approach as being too cold for me to be comfortable with it all, but now, I realize that as long as it doesn’t get in the way of my own approach to friendship, there’s nothing that should make me uncomfortable.

And now, trust has solved everything.

4 comments — Follow the feed

#1number18

Most all of my boyfriend’s friends up here are like that. One in particular has that same inherent evil, as you call it. He always likes to play bad guys and thinks villans are cool…and maybe that’s a sign, but everything he did always had a motive. No one does anything unless it’s beneficial to them in some way. They’ve all lost their kindness somewhere, and they think they still have it.. but really they’re all just snakes. We’ve turned into snakes as well when dealing with them. Everything’s a calculated move, a game, let’s say this to see what they do…

But hell, I don’t mind it. I have real friends to talk to.

Also, I meant to show you this:
http://oneword.com/

#2Phaedra

Reading this make me think trust means a little more each and every single day.

#3Jeff

Trust is the foundation, communication is the means. What I’ve realized as two of the most important things in a relationship.

And oneword is cool, but I find that a lot of their entries suck. I think it’d be better if they had a regular panel of writers, and maybe try to feature a respected guest writer/blogger on occasion for his/her perspective. Still, it’s a really great idea that I wish I had come up with.

#4number18

I agree on communication and trust being the most important things. I keep wanting to think of something else to throw in there, but really, both of those include all else. Well, I know what it is - not being a fucking pushover also helps. Speak when you’re angry, speak when you’re upset, or else things begin to sour. omg personal experience

As for oneword, the entries do kinda suck. I looked a “lightning” and everyone was just like “lightning is hard to write for.” How about lightning fast? Lightning hard? Fucking super hot electricity?? SOMETHING! =just shakes head=

What could be done to turn it around is to just pass it around to people you know who would give it their best, and slowly a base of good, thoughtful writers would form around it. I totally sucked at today’s word, though. ;-;