Last week, Aaron and Karen got a nine-week old kitten, named Chaos. I had the pleasure of checking up on him over the weekend. He was extremely nervous about meeting me at first, but he eventually warmed up enough to play with a mousie that I once bought for Dolly. I can already start to see parts of his personality coming through; he’s a little shy, but really enjoys human attention, and can spend hours just batting things around.

Some people turn to pills and things
To help them through the day
To take them up or down or just
To ease the blues away
But me I really want to feel
The ups and downs of life so real
Happy or sad emotions reign
My tears flow just the same

—Lamb, I Cry

I had been trying to write this for nearly a month, but couldn’t get it down until I really listened to the lyrics of I Cry on the walk home past the power lines. I decided to split this up into two separate entries, after realizing that I have two similar ideas in my head, but two very distinct issues. Perhaps it just took a few extra rough days of work to force me to think about this. All the things falling apart that I have to fix, responsibilities, deadlines, and tons of other miscellaneous things are definitely making me think of ways to get the tension out of my arms and shoulders.

Sometimes, when I come home, all I want to do is get piss drunk or mindlessly stoned. Maybe go recklessly buy a bunch of things I don’t need, to make myself feel better for that little amount of time. Sometimes I just feel like doing something irrational, even though I have no idea what or why, simply because I believe it would get my mind of things. And yet I don’t do any of this, especially when I’m having a particularly bad day, because I don’t want to be dependent on anything.

I don’t want to rely on narcotics, or material goods, or self-mutilation, or anything at all to make myself feel better. I want to be sure that I can handle things, no matter what, on my own. I force myself to feel every stressful, miserable, forlorn emotion, so that I know that I can get through them.

Sometimes, every day can be a test. Music and writing are the only things that I allow myself.

And sometimes I have to tell myself that it’s enough.

Usually, my playlists are very carefully planned, and aside from a few organized by genre, are based on emotion and experience. However, there was there was one morning when I got up, and found myself outside on a chilly fall day, with everything was covered in an early winter frost. Past the buildings and the trees, a wall of cloud hung over the river, fazing stark whites through pale reds, coloured by the early sun.

This playlist was inspired by that single morning. The music is a mix of two moods; the first is a relaxed and beat-oriented, while the other is more dreamy and floaty. I recommend it for long trips by bus during the fall-winter transition. The bus really is the best way to pay attention to the landscape and the changing sky.

Portishead — Glory Box
Portishead — It’s A Fire
Portishead — Mysterons
Portishead — Roads
DJ Clue — Exclusive New Shit (feat. Nature)
Nas — Gotta Love It
Dido — Aria
Pinback — Loro
The Fugees — Ready Or Not
Xzibit — Carry The Weight
DNTEL — Why I’m So Unhappy
Cardigans — Explode
Band Of Bees — Punchbag
Modest Mouse — The World At Large
Bel Canto — Capio
Radiohead — Everything In Its Right Place
Radiohead — Motion Picture Soundtrack
Radiohead — No Surprizes
Sigur Rós — Ágætis Byrjun
Omni Trio — Higher Ground
Sylver — In Your Eyes
Dune — Winter Kills

I always wonder if it’s true for me.

I got my iPod right when the second generation just came out, more than two years ago, and only a few days after the start of this blog. Luckily, I had a firewire port on my Soundblaster! Audigy, and could use it without purchasing any extra parts. It was almost as if it was meant to be; I mean, who actually had firewire ports in their systems back then?

Unfortunately, the battery is going on my iPod. It takes forever to fully charge now, and doesn’t take long to discharge. Aside from that and a scrolling glitch that happens quite often, I can’t complain. Instead of spending $100 on a new battery, taking my iPod apart and risking damage or scratches, I’ve decided to spend close to $400 on a 20 GB fourth gen (The 20 GB price reduction comes from a lack of docking cradle, which is something I don’t need anyway, although it may be nice to have in the future). I really had no reason to buy a third gen, because mine was working fine until last month. Actually, I didn’t want to buy a third gen because of the fact that I hit the buttons and use the scroll wheel of my current iPod through the pocket of my pants, and the third gen has touch sensitive buttons that I would inadvertently press while finding the right one. I also don’t have enough music to fill a 10 GB (although I’m getting close to capacity at 8 gigs), even though I’m always adding new songs to my collection, let alone the 15 GB, which was the lowest end of the third gen models. I’ll keep my current one as a backup, or as something I can use when snowboarding, or during other potentially damaging activities.

The fourth gen is perfect though. It has the slimmed-down look that I missed with the second gen, and it has a click wheel that I can use without pressing anything by mistake. It also has multiple on-the-go playlists (which would come in handy in the car with John or anyone else whose musical tastes don’t match my playlists), a shuffle feature from the root menu, and an extended battery life (from eight to twelve hours). There are also other little bonus features like solitare (the breakout game sucked on the first and second generations), a pausing feature when the earphones become unplugged, a note reader which is perfect for bus schedules, and even an automatic turn-on feature when the hold button gets switched off. Now it’s all a matter of time, and I hope the one I ordered with Aaron arrives before my battery dies and I’m left without music on the bus.

(Authentic) Chinese take-out, Candellas, weed, movie, girlfriend.