I wonder if anyone understands how much the release of HL 2 means to me. I wonder if anyone can understand how emotional I get just seeing the concept art. The first Half-Life defined more than a year of my life, the way decades have defined phases for previous generations. Half-Life was my favourite game of all time, not even second to Chrono Trigger. It was an experience, a journey, not just a game, and the sequel is being released tomorrow.

I formatted my machine yesterday (something I haven’t done in over a year, even though I used to every quarter before the release of XP), to clean up my system in preparation. I’m hoping I’ll be able to run it on a decent graphics setting; my video card is a little dated now, but it’s still a DirectX 9 generation ATI Radeon.

I can’t wait. The entire idea that something I’ve been waiting more than four years for will be released tomorrow hasn’t quite set in my head yet.

Knowing that I love someone may make me strong, but knowing that someone loves me makes me stronger.

The day was going so well. It’s the end of the week, work hasn’t been too stressful, and tonight is supposed to be fun.

One tiny fucking thing had to ruin it.

I can’t believe I almost broke down here. I can’t even cry, when it feels like letting go and bawling my eyes out would be the only way to get it all out of my system. I can only sit here, my eyes swollen and tired, and force myself to work. I don’t know how other people deal with their problems, because I’m not the only one. I just seem to be the only one who hasn’t come to terms with it all.

Am I just a naturally weak person? How are others, who seem to have gone through the same thing, not be affected by it? Will this ever go away?

Before, I simply hated. Then, for years, I believed that I came to terms with it. Now, I simply question why.

Why is it so hard for me to get over this?

Trolley left his Tuborg in my room tonight, but I purposely didn’t tell him so that I could have a chance to talk with him when he remembered where it was.

Coolest thing about a girlfriend who’s a registered massage therapist: general health and medical training means that she can distinguish between the different gaits and kinetics of the thirteen different Eternal Darkness characters.

Oh yeah, and the pro massages.

PRO.