The bus ride home tonight was all beautifully orange and snow.

What do I have left to do today? I’m not really sure. I’ll roll my frozen chocolate mixture into truffles tomorrow. I should shower tonight. Fold up some clothes. Throw expired transfers in the garbage.

Sometimes it feels as if my life has become simple, and all I have to do is turn on auto-pilot. I don’t really have anything to worry about. Money, companionship, school, health, everything I used to think about constantly before have all ceased to be problems for me. I even have people that I would consider friends.

Lately it feels as if I’ve reached a sort of equilibrium, where anything can happen but I’ll be able to deal with any problems that arise. This is quite a change from before, where I was always worrying, turning over in my head the things that bothered me.

It’s almost a form of complacency. However, this is a sense of total complacency, unlike even my previous complacent feelings. I’m unsure of whether or not this is a temporary thing, and how long it will last if this is true. Being complacent means that the excitement I used to feel, from the struggle to control undesirable emotions, to the nervousness associated to attraction, to the simple uncertainty of passing a course, has mostly leveled out. These were all scary things, but exhilarating nonetheless. This complacency is different from feeling numb because it’s on a different level. Numbness deals more specifically with emotion, whereas complacency refers to life in general, including emotion. This means that complacency is not necessarily a bad thing.

I’m just not sure what to make of it as of yet.

It’s the dead of winter, and the wind chill is -45°C. People exhale in large bursts of humidity, as not even ones breathing can be kept to themselves. Any exposed skin is sore after ten seconds. Is this better than a humidex of 42°C? I haven’t decided yet.

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m tired but I can’t sleep. Sometimes I like it when this happens because I get up to do something, and it feels so good to get back in bed when my eyelids feel like they’re 20 pound weights. It’s only when I have to wake up early that this becomes a bad thing because whenever it happens I know I’m sleeping in.

I feel old.

I’m forced to sit in class for hours, listening to the paltry conversations of the people around me. I understand that not everyone talks about something intellectual every second of the day, but most of these conversations are beyond stupid. What I hate most are the people who ask the prof questions, and then say, “That doesn’t make any sense”. Yes, it does make sense. You just don’t understand, you fucking idiot. Why are so many people so megalomaniacal as to assume that they’re smart and able to comprehend anything?