The second set of my house pictures. I’d lived in that house for so long, I grew accustomed to it’s beauty. It’s only after living in student housing, residence, town houses, that I understand how well off I had it at home. My favourite picture is the one with the koala statue, which I bought while vacationing in Sydney. The colours are just perfect, and I like how the candlesticks stretch out in subtle arches, as if they were bending outwards.

I realized that I never wrote about this, after re-reading the entry I wrote last Friday. In fact, I had been thinking about this subject for the past week, the past month, the past half year. Yet, I had never come to a conclusion, had never been firm on how I felt, until considering attendance at Aaron’s new years party (with a little hand from talking Trolley through some stuff, along with coming to terms with my own issues).

My intolerance has always been an issue in the past. An issue for improvement, that is, and I’ll be the first to admit it, albeit with a helpful reminder from John. I’ve always known how intolerant I am, although I never paid much attention to the fact because I consciously never let it get as far as being unable to socialize with people (never let it get in the way of everyday life, to the point of neurosis). There are some instances where I’ve actually been proud of how intolerant I am, because it makes me feel stronger, more respectful about the company I actually do choose to spend my time with. I want all my friends to know how much I generally hate people, and that they’re AWESOME enough to meet even my high standards. Hell, I even almost decided not to associate with John at one point, but realized that I was making a huge mistake, clouded by my own problems at the time.

I digress. I’ve become less afraid of my intolerance. A long time ago I realized that other people have every right to be themselves, and I’m probably the last person that they should be changing for. Hence the quest for my own self-improvement. However, I’ve only recently realized that I have just as much right to be me. That means every right to be intolerant. As intolerant as I want to fucking be.

The issue can be extendend to relationships in general, dating or otherwise. If two people can’t come to a reasonable agreeance on something, then sometimes all that can be done is recognizing it and accepting it. If these differences can’t be lived with, then the only thing left to do is part ways on amicable terms. One person has just as much right to be themselves as the other.

And if it just so happens that I find myself in unpleasant company, I’ll be the first to bow out. I’d rather spend quality time with the people I like, than share them with people I don’t, and the last thing I want to do is force the people I care about to make a decision between me and someone else. So I make the decision for myself. No one is at fault. Some people just don’t mix. As long as it never gets to the point of harming the relationships I want to have, there’s no problem. If this means that I may occasionally have to be in the company of people who make me uncomfortable, for important events or whatnot, then so be it. My friends are worth the unpleasantness, and I know that they understand me enough to accept my intolerance.

The issue becomes a non-issue.

Another bus ride back to the apartment today. Hopefully it’ll be under five hours; the ride here was just over the six hour mark due to large scale, poor weather conditions. I’m tempted to bring an extra strength Sleep-Ez to make the ride go by faster if there are any delays, but my experience with one earlier this way has swayed me against it. It was the first time in my life I took a sleeping pill, and I felt almost mechanically, medicinally drowsy. John called me in the middle of sleep, and the only thing I remember is taking the call, and telling him that I had to hang up because I was too focused on staying conscious to listen to anything. For some reason, I’ve always found it extremely easy to stay conscious, but the Sleep-Ez is the first thing that has ever overcome this ability. The only time in my life that I have ever passed out was during a weekend this summer, due to the influence of certain inebriants. The Sleep-Ez would be twice as worse, and if anything were to happen where I need to be awake while travelling, I wouldn’t be able to function.

I decided to make the best of my time while I’m home for the holidays and borrow my dad’s EOS Digital Rebel, just like last December when I was in Hong Kong. I swear, the urge to buy one of these is overwhelming, and I was very seriously considering it until I realized that I can make due with my S410 Elph until I have cash to drop on a nice SLR.

Almost every room at home has a different mood and style, which is really what I tried to capture in the pictures, whether it’s due to the wall colour (most prominent), the furniture, or the lighting. This is part one of two; I have another set of pictures that’s comprised mainly of various objects around the house, instead of general settings of this set.

This doesn’t feel like Christmas to me. I’m not sure why, but the fact that it’s so close to the 25th still hasn’t clicked in yet. Maybe it’s because I decided not to buy presents for anyone this year. Maybe it’s because this is my first year working full-time and I’m used to having a longer running break before the big two-five. Maybe it’s because I’ve been too busy to relax, running around, making plans at the last second. This is usually my favourite time of the year, but I haven’t had any time to enjoy it.

I had the hardest time deciding on what to do for new years. At first, I was just going to spend it by myself at my apartment. I don’t really have a reason to celebrate, and if I was, it would be with my five closest friends ONLY so that I wouldn’t have to deal with ANY moronic people. The only problem is that three of them won’t even be in the city, and the other two are too social to be spending it with me and my select company. Perhaps one year, my friends will indulge me (after tiring of large parties) and we will have an intimate gathering. I think I’ll start planning for next year before everyone moves off to start their careers and their families.

Aaron expressed his desire for my attendance at his new years celebration and I eventually agreed. I was hesitant at first, because, to be honest, I haven’t enjoyed the company Aaron has had over for his dinners lately. I’m one who’s always believed that it’s the company that makes things enjoyable, not the activities. Stick me in a room with my friends and we can have fun doing anything. Stick me in a room with a single person I dislike, and I’ll be miserable no matter what. The agitating guests aren’t Aaron’s fault, of course, or the fault of the guests themselves. I’m an intolerant person.

And I’m working on it.