So there I was, sit­ting at my desk with my pop­py­seed bagel with plain cream cheese, start­ing to get hun­gry. I decide to get some­thing hot to drink, so I grab my change, and walk to the hot drink dis­penser in the kitchen. I grab a pack of choco and put it in the slot of the machine, insert my two quar­ters, and watch the machine inject brown water into my mug. In my head I have the taste of rich and creamy Second Cup hot choco­late, and this is what I’m expect­ing as I walk back to my desk before I take a sip. There were lit­tle solid bits of brown float­ing in the liq­uid, what I assume was just undis­solved choco­late powder.

I take a sip. This hot choco­late is so fuck­ing dis­gust­ing, that it’s hilar­i­ous. It’s not just bland and watery, it goes through lev­els and lay­ers of bad taste. It starts out like instant hot choco­late from pow­der mix with a lit­tle too much water mixed into it. Then there’s a lit­tle hint of ash that fades before the dis­tinct taste of burnt metal­lic cook­ware. The fin­ish is all water, with no other taste what­so­ever, aside from a hint of some­thing that’s too light to be distinguishable.

And as I keep drink­ing this, I can’t help but laugh after every sip. It’s the most vile, most putrid, most comic cup of any­thing I have ever had.