Starting around this time of year, and for about three months, I dress based on the temperature outside instead of my mood. It’s stifling to be unable to express myself in that way. I hate being a slave to the weather.

Two shots of Nala on Trolley’s heater and A/C unit. She used to sleep there when is was cold, just to get as much warmth as possible. My reflection is actually pretty clear in her eyes on the second image, especially at higher resolutions.

I really have to say something about No Motiv. When I first heard them, it was in preparation of a concert I was going to when they were opening for Strung Out about four years ago. I didn’t really like their first two albums aside from a few songs. They had a distinct sound, but their lyrics, like advice from a comforting friend, didn’t quite match. This band was like those kids I never really knew in high school, who weren’t popular but had their own clique nonetheless, and spent their free time making up songs and practicing their instruments. The guys I’d sort of root for, not because their music blew me away, but because there was no one to appreciate them.

Their latest album, however, takes things in a different direction, hinted at in the album title “Daylight Breaking”. It’s darker, it’s moodier, and it’s more developed. Jeremy has clearly become more confident with his singing, and this goes hand-in-hand with the new range of sound that they’ve developed, from quiet and barren to heavy and angry. In previous albums, he sounded constricted, but now screams emotionally with controlled unrestraint. The lyrics demonstrate a new maturity, and present a logical progression from their previous work. This is the album that they were meant to write, an album that makes them musicians and not just band members.

Now, as I listen to their older material, everything clicks, and I realize that I just wasn’t ready for this music four years ago. I don’t have any music that’s quite like this; a journey through a coming-of-age that’s filled with energetic hopefulness, along with the ups and downs associated with personal growth, a sort of inspiring sadness. The lyrics bring me back to being a teenager again, when I thought people on TV were normal, and believed that I should have been going through the same dainty problems. It makes me think of what I wanted to experience a long time ago, but never had the chance.

Even the morning weather is getting warm and unbearable. For the last month I’ve been mentally preparing myself for the muggy summer days, when every second outside is torture and I feel like showering every other hour. I hate this fucking weather. Why can’t it be fall again?

I don’t know why I didn’t figure this out before, but I guess the good thing is that I know better now. Maybe it was all too simple to see.

Friendship is all or nothing. Friends are the all, the ones I’d give my life for, the ones that I unconditionally accept. Non-friends are the nothing, the ones I couldn’t care less about. The ones that don’t fit in either category, due to insufficient information to make such a decision, are acquaintances (and some remain acquaintances forever).

Unconditional acceptance is the toughest part of friendship, because it’s the biggest commitment. It’s the biggest reason that I consider such few people to be my friends. It’s so easy to walk away when people change, when people grow apart. It’s not so easy to accept and understand, especially for someone as selfish and with as little tolerance as me. A friend is a friend for life.

I love you, Aaron.

I love you, Darren.

I love you, John.

I love you, Pat.