If there was ever a time for John to put a con­tract on me, it would be now. Due to an unfor­tu­nate inci­dent, he’s had to liq­ui­date every­thing he has, take out tuition insur­ance, and assume a non-managerial posi­tion at Canadian Tire so that he doesn’t have too much money.

This is the guy who got accepted to UCC, got accepted to University College at the University of Toronto, fin­ished his LSATs, and is wait­ing to get accepted to a law school. I also put his name down as the ben­e­fi­ciary on my assur­ance plan at work, so he’ll be receiv­ing roughly $__k in the event of my death. I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell him, since I wouldn’t put a con­tract mur­der past him, but I fig­ured that I couldn’t trust ANYONE in the world if I couldn’t trust him.

“I won’t whack you, no mat­ter how much sense it seems to make”, he reas­sures me.