If there was ever a time for John to put a contract on me, it would be now. Due to an unfortunate incident, he’s had to liquidate everything he has, take out tuition insurance, and assume a non-managerial position at Canadian Tire so that he doesn’t have too much money.

This is the guy who got accepted to UCC, got accepted to University College at the University of Toronto, finished his LSATs, and is waiting to get accepted to a law school. I also put his name down as the beneficiary on my assurance plan at work, so he’ll be receiving roughly $__k in the event of my death. I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell him, since I wouldn’t put a contract murder past him, but I figured that I couldn’t trust ANYONE in the world if I couldn’t trust him.

“I won’t whack you, no matter how much sense it seems to make”, he reassures me.