June 29, 2004

Sandbanks ’04

Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 LeSabre Custom
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 Chill
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 Kate
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 Strawberries

Went to Sandbanks on the week­end. The weather was good, but danced from one extreme to the other along the course of the day. It was Trolley, Tomacini, Kate, Adam, and Eric on one site, Aaron, Karen, Nick, Alison, and me on another about 20 paces away. It was quite a dif­fer­ent crew from the one I’m used to, but def­i­nitely the one I was most com­fort­able around. These are the peo­ple who never ask for money, who talk to you like you’re fam­ily, whom you can depend on to find some orange juice if you’re hav­ing a bad trip. We only got in trou­ble one night, but we were admit­tedly loud. Our attempts to thwart such prob­lems by intro­duc­ing our­selves to neigh­bour­ing camp­sites proved fruit­less, as we were informed that the noise we were pro­duc­ing was being heard in a larger radius than expected. I took up posi­tion as the token Asian guy (keepin it cool) and Adam resumed his usual role as the token homo­sex­ual (keepin it fresh). The week­end went by quickly.


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Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 Campfire 1
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 Campfire 2

Aside from steak, the best part of camp­ing is the camp­fire. When the decid­u­ous trees flicker orange and the stars nor­mally hid­den by the city light show them­selves against the navy blue sky. There’s some­thing about the heat and the atmos­phere that puts the mind at ease. Nobody cares if one speaks too much or too lit­tle, puts on some head­phones and lis­tens to music, intox­i­cates, or pulls out a book and reads. It’s where every­one can do their own thing, together.


Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 beach 1
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 beach 2
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 beach 3
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 beach 4

Sandbanks has an amaz­ing beach with large sand dunes, which makes it one of the most pop­u­lar camp­grounds, as well as one of the hard­est to reserve a site on (Trolley and I had this week­end booked since January). The sand is extremely soft and smooth, and the beach ended up being the only refuge for a loud group, espe­cially at night. It’s also where Adam was paid to mar­ket Gatorade to the homo­sex­ual pop­u­la­tion (and the funny thing is, Adam did his absolute best not to look gay in the pho­to­graph, but suc­ceeds only in the doing the exact oppo­site.) The cap­tion for the mag­a­zines would be, “ALL I DID WAS DRINK THIS GATORADE AND HOT GUYS STARTED LICKING STUFF OFF MY LEGS!”.


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Aaron made his con­tri­bu­tion to the Ministry of Silly Walks.


Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 plant saga 1
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 plant saga 2
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 plant saga 3
Thumbnail: Sandbanks '04 plant saga 4

At one point, Aaron and I had to steal some fire­wood from the other site. We decide to give them some flow­ers in return as a joke. Aaron just hap­pened to pass by a bunch of daisies, and plucked them from the stem as we were leav­ing our area. Unfortunately, the entire plant became unrooted with almost no effort, from the flow­ers to the roots. After a quick twig-splint used to fix a man­gled stem, we planted the daisies in the mid­dle of the other camp­site. They stood out con­sid­er­ably, since they were over four feet in height, with noth­ing else around but gravel and dirt. In return, Adam planted a lit­tle vodka gar­den out­side our tents.

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June 28, 2004

Doesn’t This Always Happen?

Here I am, think­ing that I have at least a sin­gle month to get into a reg­u­lar writ­ing sched­ule, and sud­denly tons of things pile up, leav­ing me with no time to write. I sup­pose that being too busy is bet­ter than not being busy enough, espe­cially with my his­tory of idleness.

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June 21, 2004

Going Numb

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This is what sum­mer is about: nowhere to go and all the time in the world to get there. Nothing beats cruis­ing through the city with a friend and his iPod in an air-conditioned, man­ual Jetta.

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June 21, 2004

The Last Of Guilt-Free Spending

I man­aged to spend more than a weeks salary over the week­end, on five dress shirts, a pair of shorts, Birkenstocks, a beanie, two ties, a tie bar, a tie rack, a vest, Four Swords Adventures, and beer. It wasn’t very dif­fi­cult; I’m meet­ing with a finan­cial plan­ner today, so I saw at my pur­chases as the last of my guilt-free spend­ing before I look into invest­ment options and bud­get con­sid­er­a­tions. Unfortunately, he’ll be giv­ing me advice based on how I risky I want to be, the age I want to stop work­ing, and the lifestyle I’d like to have at retire­ment. The prob­lem is that I haven’t decided yet. I never really con­sid­ered the fact that I might live past 30. On top of that, I never planned to retire. I don’t think I’d mind work­ing past 60, although the require­ment for this to hap­pen is that I enjoy my job then as much as I enjoy my job now.

Most peo­ple start to invest when they start a fam­ily, and need to con­sider the cost of rais­ing kids, includ­ing tuition fees, an extra mouths to feed, etc. I don’t plan on hav­ing a fam­ily, so I fig­ure I should just start now. Of course, as Pat says, ones life can change in a sin­gle day, even with the best laid plans, and I really couldn’t agree more. I sim­ply see invest­ments as a sort of finan­cial safety net.

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June 19, 2004

The Zarathustra Sessions, Part 2: Progression

I have learned to walk: since then I have run. I have learned to fly, since then I do not have to be pushed in order to move.

Now I am nim­ble, now I fly, now I see myself under myself, now a god dances within me.

—Of Reading And Writing, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

A long time ago, maybe almost ten years ago, I met a guy who was the same age as me named Alvin. We got along extremely well, which was a rar­ity for me at the time. He was a com­plete enigma. There was always an air about him, some­thing in his sta­ble demeanor, that told me he had every­thing fig­ured out. I asked him once, “Do you feel any pain?”. “Only when I want to”, was his response. I couldn’t pos­si­bly understand.


How can I describe this feel­ing? How can I explain? I’ve been look­ing for the right words for so long, but noth­ing comes through. Only images and ideas. Thoughts with­out expression.

All I know is that it feels like I’ve arrived at some­thing, like I’ve finally come to a point where I’m com­fort­able with myself. Where I can hurt with­out being sad. Where I can love with­out pain.

The key is under­stand­ing how dis­sat­is­fac­tion breeds improve­ment, how pain breeds hap­pi­ness, how there must be a bal­ance of good and bad, and liv­ing by these beliefs with com­mit­ted indus­try and absolute humil­ity. It’s what Taoists express as Yin and Yang, what Nietzsche was say­ing through Zarathustra. And when one’s life goal is self-improvement, every­thing falls into place.

Now there is no going back. Now I truly feel like I’m alive.

Now a god dances within me.

June 19, 2004

The Universal Formula

Girls = trou­ble, but stu­pid girls = uh oh.

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June 17, 2004

Cause I Never Had An Accent

Allergy sea­son has made me real­ize that the only authen­tic Chinese thing I have left is an obnox­ious sneeze.

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June 15, 2004

Strongbad Figures And Lego Stormtroopers

Thumbnail: Strongbad Figures

Thumbnail: Stormtrooper figure

Trolley’s Homestar Runner fig­ures came in the mail a lit­tle while ago. They Rock.

And lit­tle Lego stormtroop­ers rock too.

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June 15, 2004

If You Love Someone…

If there was ever a time for John to put a con­tract on me, it would be now. Due to an unfor­tu­nate inci­dent, he’s had to liq­ui­date every­thing he has, take out tuition insur­ance, and assume a non-managerial posi­tion at Canadian Tire so that he doesn’t have too much money.

This is the guy who got accepted to UCC, got accepted to University College at the University of Toronto, fin­ished his LSATs, and is wait­ing to get accepted to a law school. I also put his name down as the ben­e­fi­ciary on my assur­ance plan at work, so he’ll be receiv­ing roughly $__k in the event of my death. I wasn’t sure if I was going to tell him, since I wouldn’t put a con­tract mur­der past him, but I fig­ured that I couldn’t trust ANYONE in the world if I couldn’t trust him.

I won’t whack you, no mat­ter how much sense it seems to make”, he reas­sures me.

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June 13, 2004

Hemlock

The two longest rela­tion­ships I’ve ever been in, both bor­der­ing on the two-year mark, were mean­ing­less. I learned a great deal from them, mak­ing them great expe­ri­ences, but in all truth, that can be said about any of the rela­tion­ships I’ve had.

My short­est rela­tion­ship, which never even got into the three month range (and also hap­pened to be with the only girl to break up with me), was the most meaningful.

And toxic.

I shouldn’t have been in that rela­tion­ship, and I knew it. It was unhealthy, it was destruc­tive, it was painful. Yet I kept going. I kept apol­o­giz­ing instead of accus­ing, I kept storm­ing with­out releas­ing. Was I weak? Perhaps. Was I in love? More likely.

But I was scared most of all.

Scared of giv­ing up a chance for hap­pi­ness, scared of for­ever won­der­ing, “what if?”. With lack of choice comes free­dom from regret. It took more strength to push on, know­ing that it wouldn’t last, than it would have taken to end it myself.

It wasn’t weak­ness. It was deter­mi­na­tion. It was an attempt at per­se­ver­ance. It was an attempt at stoic res­ig­na­tion. I knew she was going to end it.

Because I never would.

June 13, 2004

School’s Out Forever

The best thing about grad­u­at­ing uni­ver­sity and hav­ing a job is that noth­ing fol­lows me home. For almost all of my life, up until this point, I felt like a slave to home­work, projects, and tests. I’d never have a week­end where I could just relax, and not think about the next thing that I should be work­ing on. Even in the sum­mers I felt guilty for not get­ting a head start on next years material.

Now it’s just pure relax­ation. No more worry about fail­ing some­thing or run­ning out of money. The only thing left to work on is me, and I have the rest of my life for that.

June 11, 2004

The Way Harder Means Brittler, Not Stronger

I think that most guys around this time of year pull a Pablo Francisco in New York, in this area at least, when the weather really starts to go up and a lot of girls are anx­ious to show off their new sum­mer clothes. I sup­pose that I can admit to doing the same thing at some point, but I’ve sort of lost the feel­ing, so they say.

So many are in hal­ter tops and capris (ugh, capris), or other skimpy, tight clothes, and it all just seems so bor­ing now. I might get dis­tracted if a girl dresses with some more fuck­ing per­son­al­ity instead of dress­ing to show skin, but over­all hiz­zot­ness just doesn’t do it for me any­more. There’s gotta be a lit­tle more, a lit­tle some­thing extra to really keep my attention.

Hopefully, that means I’m grow­ing up, not get­ting more superficial.

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June 11, 2004

Visual Cue

I always walk into cloth­ing stores with my head­phones on but my music down. I keep the vol­ume low so that I can make sure I’m not in someone’s way. I keep my head­phones on so that I can ignore any­thing that the sales­peo­ple say to me. People work­ing on com­mis­sion can be very annoy­ing.

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June 11, 2004

Dinner With Sonas

I had the chance to hang out with Sonas on Wednesday night. He brought over some wine and cig­ars just as a chance to relax. He grad­u­ated last month and is look­ing for a job before he looks for a law school. The thing is, he’s not tied down by any­thing at all. His girl­friend is in Seattle, fin­ished her stud­ies and work­ing as a phar­ma­cist, but he has no plans on mov­ing there. He’s per­fectly fine with mov­ing back home, out west, or even over­seas to find a job. I have to admire that kind of free­dom, espe­cially since he’s in a rela­tion­ship. There’s a trust there that really goes beyond most of the other rela­tion­ships that I know. We ended up order­ing in and hang­ing out on the bal­cony. I can’t relate to him very well because I don’t know much about him, but I can def­i­nitely say that he’s an easy per­son for me to talk to, which is a rar­ity in itself.

Yesterday I had the chance to hang out with Pat, and just kick back with some Soul Calibur II. We were pretty evenly matched, although I had the upper hand because I actu­ally own the game and have a steady char­ac­ter. We’d really learn each oth­ers moves, so it ended up being a game of reflexes and feints, instead of but­ton mash­ing like it is against most peo­ple. He’s the only per­son I know who used to be a hard­core gamer the way I used to be, so it was great to be able to talk about fighter styles and relate on that level.

June 9, 2004

The Zarathustra Sessions, Part 1: Anthropomorphizing The Image Of The Self

I should believe only in a God who under­stood how to dance.

—Of Reading And Writing, Thus Spoke Zarathustra

I don’t cur­rently believe in a god, but if I did, I would imag­ine that he, being a god, would under­stand all the things that I hold as impor­tant. I couldn’t imag­ine a god with­out a great sense of humour, a good sense of musi­cal taste, or a nice bowel move­ment or a reg­u­lar basis.

And how mega­lo­ma­ni­a­cal is that?

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