I have one playlist of all the sad songs in my collection. I named it OAC because that was the year I first made the playlist (it has since come to define that time in my life), and it’s grown from 11 songs to over 50.

I lately find myself skipping songs when I listen to that particular playlist, and to me, the entire point of playlists is so that one doesn’t have to skip songs. I’ve started to distinguish between two types of sad emotions, and with this distinction comes the separation of two types of sad songs.

There is the “true sad”, which delves into depression. Songs such as Tindersticks – Trouble Every Day, or Dir En Grey – Mushi are the perfect compliments for such a mood. Then there’s the “hurts-so-good sad”, where there’s barely any sadness at all, but just enough to remind oneself of what one has been through and how far one has come. The beneficial sadness, which does good and not harm. The type of lingering, residual sadness that almost leaves one craving more of the once familiar feeling. And with this beautiful emotion goes songs such as Bad Astronaut – These Days, Portishead – Wondering Star, Red Hot Chili Peppers – Otherside.

I need to make another playlist.

I’m almost certain that I’ll be failing the classes I’ve taken this term. The exams are in a few days, and I only started studying, no, learning the material yesterday. It just seems so pointless to try passing a class when the credits will expire anyway. Sure, they don’t expire for a few years, but I don’t plan on going back to school within the next decade, if ever. This wouldn’t be a worry if I wasn’t working almost full-time and moving in the same week, but that doesn’t really seem to matter. I have a history of failing stuff at the right time. The two core courses I failed during my comp sci degree didn’t hold me back and I was able to make them up without a hitch. Now I’ll be failing two courses I don’t need. As long as I try my hardest to pass, given the circumstances, I won’t feel guilty whatever the outcome.

Is it just me, or do horizontally cut bagels taste different from vertically cut ones?

Freedom.

Freedom from what has been a shroud, not a weight, on my mind for as long as I’ve known. Tonight confirmed what was suspected for weeks, when I stepped out into shadows and lights, and walked through a dry field against the darkness.

A rush. The feeling of having everything to gain and nothing to lose. That I can start living now.

Freedom in the solitude.

I don’t like Nickelback. I don’t like them so much that I don’t even bother capitalizing the name of their “band” or putting a link to their site. That’s because they suck. They’re prissy fucks playing watered down rock. All their songs sound the same, and this is proof.

Listen with headphones because it’s two different Nickelback songs, one on each channel. And yet, it’s not two different songs. Why? Because the timing, chord progression, even certain melodic parts are exactly the same. Both start with a voice and guitar, both end with a fade out that last the same amount of time. The list of similarities go on and on.

Usually, playing two different songs at the same time, even if they’re both by the same band, will sound all messed up if only a single part is different, even just a single note in the bass line. That’s because good musicians take the time to develop songs, come up with new motifs, maybe even experiment. But not this. This is just Nickelback with a fuller sound. It’s so sad that it’s entertaining. I can’t stop listening. This should be happening at every show.

Once I was dating someone who bought a Nickelback album when we were coming up to the 1.5 year mark. I didn’t see it coming at all. I mean, she liked David Usher, which is understandable because he’s hot and comes out with decent material, but there was no warning of Nickelback. I was devastated. I was crushed. Heartbroken. She might as well have said, “HEY GUESS WHAT I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SOME KID TODAY BUT ONLY BECAUSE SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND TOO YOUNG TO DEFEND HERSELF”.