I don’t like Nickelback. I don’t like them so much that I don’t even bother capitalizing the name of their “band” or putting a link to their site. That’s because they suck. They’re prissy fucks playing watered down rock. All their songs sound the same, and this is proof.

Listen with headphones because it’s two different Nickelback songs, one on each channel. And yet, it’s not two different songs. Why? Because the timing, chord progression, even certain melodic parts are exactly the same. Both start with a voice and guitar, both end with a fade out that last the same amount of time. The list of similarities go on and on.

Usually, playing two different songs at the same time, even if they’re both by the same band, will sound all messed up if only a single part is different, even just a single note in the bass line. That’s because good musicians take the time to develop songs, come up with new motifs, maybe even experiment. But not this. This is just Nickelback with a fuller sound. It’s so sad that it’s entertaining. I can’t stop listening. This should be happening at every show.

Once I was dating someone who bought a Nickelback album when we were coming up to the 1.5 year mark. I didn’t see it coming at all. I mean, she liked David Usher, which is understandable because he’s hot and comes out with decent material, but there was no warning of Nickelback. I was devastated. I was crushed. Heartbroken. She might as well have said, “HEY GUESS WHAT I BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF SOME KID TODAY BUT ONLY BECAUSE SHE WAS OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND TOO YOUNG TO DEFEND HERSELF”.