Something I’d like to see is Chinese people from hardest fucking core mainland province to be on Fear Factor. The food challenges would be OURS. If they ever did Chinese Fear Factor, there wouldn’t be any food challenges. It would be height challenges or something.

It’s funny to see Conan doing his Toronto shows at the Elgin Theatre. When I first watched on Tuesday, I didn’t recognize where it was until I saw Conan’s view looking out to the audience. Just seeing all the blinding lights, the royal red fabrics, and the intricate ceiling patterns brought back memories of the summer John and I performed Joseph there more than ten years ago. Card games, cast mistakes, lunches at Mr. Greenjeans, puberty nowhere in the foreseeable future, I started remembering it all.

Euchre night at Karen’s was decent, even though I kept getting euchred with whoever I was partnered with. It’s only February but I think I’ve already seen the funniest thing I’ll see all year; a penis-beating table-talk impression. I haven’t laughed so hard since I heard the choda story, and I had to apologize for my ebullience.

It was all in Aaron’s expression. A sort of half-frenzied, half-excited, shaky look of urgency while he mutters, “CLUBS”.

I swear like a fucking sailor.

I haven’t seen Pat in more than two months. We’re trying to schedule something for March, and by that time it’ll be an entire quarter year since we’ve hung out. I’ve come a long way since I last saw him, in terms of mindset, and he’s probably the only one who totally understands how gravely important that is to me. It’s too bad that my other close friends don’t completely understand me, although it’s no fault of their own and I don’t hold it against them.

It takes pain to understand pain, and Pat is the one who’s had the most similar experiences. If there was one person in this world who has me figured out, it’s him. It used to feel as though he would have to come to my level to talk to me, to understand what I was going through, to give me guidance and support.

Now it feels as if I’ve come to his level, and I understand his attitude, motivations, and worldview much better as a result of this. He admitted that he always wondered when I’d get there, and he’s curious if he’ll notice a change the next time he sees me.

I see all the influences that change me as adding more to my mind, another piece to the quilt.

Keeping every piece becomes as important as gaining more.