Why do I write? Mostly because I feel like it. I can’t write with a pen because a computer allows me to organize my thoughts much better. I choose to publish my thoughts online. Yet I don’t write for an audience, I don’t care who reads, I don’t know who’s interested.

Does it take a reader to validate my thoughts? Not quite. I doubt I’d feel as good as I do after posting an entry if I just typed it in a text file and saved it on my hard drive. Everything I write is posted and made public. So why do I post if it doesn’t matter whether someone reads or not?

This is similar to my style of dress. The clothes I wear are a reflection of my mood, even though I don’t think anyone takes notice or actually cares.

An exercise in expression is its own reward.

Must stay awake until 11. I’m trying to bake something in the oven but I can’t seem to do simple math to calculate how much time is left. I hate it when I get like this. It’s why I always always always need to sleep well. Whenever I don’t have enough sleep, I can’t function for the rest of the day. I don’t need a lot of sleep, just eight hours will do, and I’m fine. Take away a few of those hours and I can’t concentrate for the life of me. I can’t do any work, I can’t read, I can’t think, I can only sit and watch movies or play games until it’s time to go to bed again. That’s why I can get fairly grumpy if I’m disturbed by someone sleeping with me or the fucking false fire alarms that happen so often in this building.

It was worth it though. As Trolley said, home is a nice change, but can’t compete with cigars, sessions, games, some Trailer Park Boys on DVD, and a fun group of people. I think that having no real friends for most of my life has made me really appreciate the time spent with the ones I have now.

It’s seven in the morning, and the sun still hasn’t come out yet. I’m completely exhausted. I’m going to try to take a six hour nap, and then stay awake until night to put my system back on track. Nick says he’s going to go to sleep now and wake up at noon. I say, “Hahahhhahah good luck buddy”. I’m too tired to go to practice (I’d be scared of falling asleep on the bus ride there), so I’m just going to spend the day fighting sleep. Maybe I’ll watch Midway, Ghandi, or Seven Samurai to keep me busy. Maybe I’ll install Sands of Time so I can stay awake. Gaming is the only thing that I can do without falling asleep. After all, I’m still awake at this hour.

I’ve been dreaming of getting a Mont Blanc for years, ever since I tried one out at a jewellery store back home before I bought it for my boss. I loved the way it felt in my hand, the perfect weight, the balance, the shine, the smoothness of the nib, the effortlessness of the writing, the click of the cap, the elegant but timeless design. A few years later, I went for a surprise visit to my old workplace, and when my boss went to sign something he pulled out the Mont Blanc, my Mont Blanc, from his blazer pocket. That made me happy.

The thing is, I could never justify buying one for myself; I would always tell myself to wait until I could celebrate my graduation or marriage. My boss was a businessman, so he could use a nice pen to sign his contracts. Every time I’d pass the Mont Blanc display in the mall I’d check out what the most current series was.

While I was in Hong Kong, I found a little shop selling them at very low prices.

Then I realized that I had already graduated.

I bought a jet-black Meisterstück Classique Rollerball with platinum finish right then and there, and my god how sweet it is. I can’t imagine using another pen for the rest of my life. Sometimes I put my hand in my pocket and then realize, “Holy shit, I have a Mont Blanc in my pocket”. So far, this is the only thing that I can think of putting in my will.

Sometimes I’d walk the streets of Hong Kong and see a guy selling fake Mont Blanc’s, a bunch of them clipped to a cheap felt board. It’s as easy to spot a fake Mont Blanc as it is to spot a fake Rolex. The price I got mine for in the little shop was cheaper by more than $150 CAD than the price in stores here. I want to get it engraved with my signature but it costs $120 to send to the Mont Blanc main headquarters, which is fucking insane (it’s a cool process though, where they take four of my signatures, then mix and match the best parts of each to come up with the engraving). I suppose that for someone who’s buying a pen from the Meisterstück Solitaire Platinum line, $120 is almost nothing. I’m considering my next Mont Blanc purchase as a fountain pen from the new super sweet Starwalker series Resin Line, but that’ll be sometime far into the future.

Just when I thought I was over my jet lag, along comes a LAN party at Trolley’s and Wheaties’s. I haven’t played games in over a month (aside from some addictive Tony Hawk Underground on my GBA), so I’ll be pretty damn rusty. It officially starts tomorrow, but I’ll be heading over there tonight with Nick to get an early start. We’ll be having the usual suspects, along with a few less familiar faces. This should be good.