What do I have left to do today? I’m not really sure. I’ll roll my frozen choco­late mix­ture into truf­fles tomor­row. I should shower tonight. Fold up some clothes. Throw expired trans­fers in the garbage.

Sometimes it feels as if my life has become sim­ple, and all I have to do is turn on auto-pilot. I don’t really have any­thing to worry about. Money, com­pan­ion­ship, school, health, every­thing I used to think about con­stantly before have all ceased to be prob­lems for me. I even have peo­ple that I would con­sider friends.

Lately it feels as if I’ve reached a sort of equi­lib­rium, where any­thing can hap­pen but I’ll be able to deal with any prob­lems that arise. This is quite a change from before, where I was always wor­ry­ing, turn­ing over in my head the things that both­ered me.

It’s almost a form of com­pla­cency. However, this is a sense of total com­pla­cency, unlike even my pre­vi­ous com­pla­cent feel­ings. I’m unsure of whether or not this is a tem­po­rary thing, and how long it will last if this is true. Being com­pla­cent means that the excite­ment I used to feel, from the strug­gle to con­trol unde­sir­able emo­tions, to the ner­vous­ness asso­ci­ated to attrac­tion, to the sim­ple uncer­tainty of pass­ing a course, has mostly lev­eled out. These were all scary things, but exhil­a­rat­ing nonethe­less. This com­pla­cency is dif­fer­ent from feel­ing numb because it’s on a dif­fer­ent level. Numbness deals more specif­i­cally with emo­tion, whereas com­pla­cency refers to life in gen­eral, includ­ing emo­tion. This means that com­pla­cency is not nec­es­sar­ily a bad thing.

I’m just not sure what to make of it as of yet.