I told Aaron a few months ago that I held his morals and attitudes towards relationships as a personal goal. Knowing him for a while and being through a few odd relationships issues with him has made me realize that he has a very healthy mindset. I’m not saying that there are bad or wrong ways of viewing relationships, I simply found that his ideas fit with my overall life goals very well. Even though I haven’t always stuck to these lofty standards in my own relationship experience, I still try to maintain this set of ideals.

I know a few people whose main goal in life is to get married. I questioned them about why they have this goal, and they would tell me that they simply don’t know. I’ve been through all types of relationship mindsets before, all fairly different, all from different manifestations of my personality. There were phases such as “I want to be in a relationship”, “I don’t think I’ll ever be in a relationship”, “I’m unsatisfied with this relationship”, “I’ve given up on relationships”, “I’ll be in this relationship for the rest of my life” (hahaha), “I don’t want to be in a relationship”, and it goes on and on.

Right now I’m not even sure what I want. I think a relationship would be great but unnecessary. I’ve stopped being dependent on someone to complete me, stopped looking at life as a deadline, and have reconsidered almost everything about what I want.

Being able to do so has made me think much more clearly and act with more conviction.

Sarah Mclachlan has grown her hair long again as a new look. I’m a bigger fan of the short haircut she had from Mirrorball, although I’ve always found her cute simply because she reminded me of Ashley. Still nowhere near as cute as Holly though, with the boxy glasses and the labret and the screaming and the oh my goodness.

I once wrote this when I was stoned, lying on my couch, watching passing headlights make geometric patterns on my ceiling by in the dark:

I like to pet her kitten
She scratches in return

I went to dinner with Sonace tonight at the Black Tomato. I ordered what I normally get there, and recommended a seafood dish to Sonace, since he’s a big seafood eater. I had a very interesting red wine with my red meat, but unfortunately I forgot the name of it. There was a slightly sweet start with an unusual fruit flavour, something I didn’t recognize. The wine was bursting with taste and had an amazing, mellow finish. I wanted to see him before I headed off to Hong Kong, to see what he’s been up to. He lost a lot of weight when he stopped playing football, and was sporting a slick pair of glasses. Now he looks like a smart guy, going for his law degree.

I just tried to take Patches to the vet hospital, but it turns out that the appointment was scheduled for tomorrow instead. I’m not sure if the miscommunication is my fault or the interns’ fault; I doubt it was me, but it could be either. Now my planning has been fucked, and I just wasted $40 in taxi money after dealing with annoying interns (the hospital has amazing doctors, but complete bitches for interns). I’ve been wanting to get this appointment over with for so long. Patches might be sick and I’m leaving to go home soon, and I need to make sure he’s okay before I leave. Trolley has the car next week so he’ll help me take Patches then. I was going to drown my frustration in breakfast sausages, but I ran out of them yesterday.