When I went home for Christmas three years ago, I was a very confused person. I had no idea what I was looking for, what I was doing. When I came back, I felt as if I had gone through some sort of mid-life crisis. I still didn’t know what I wanted, but for some reason I wasn’t confused anymore. Did I end up resolving anything? To this day I don’t know.
What I do know, however, is that I haven’t stopped changing. Even if I did come to some conclusion back then, it would have no relevance today. So many things are changing, not the world around me, but me myself.
I see this as a good thing. It lets me know that I’m still learning, that I’m still living to the highest degree. I have difficulty “defining” myself, difficulty understanding my own (long term) actions sometimes. As I’ve known since high school, it usually takes me at least half a year to understand the choices I make.
Sometimes it feels like a constant mid-life crisis when I keep questioning the decisions I make and the relationships I have with others. I question things not with doubt, but with curiosity.
And this has filled my life with uncertainty.
i think you ought to always question the decisions you make.. i try my best making decisions that i know the consequences for. as for those decisions that can go either way, i trust my gut and more importantly, ask myself what will keep me happy.
i hate growing up.