It’s always fun to joke around with Aaron about how high maintenance he is. “Negative maintenance”, we call it, since it’s all in relation to the girl. I don’t think that I ever stay as one type of maintenance; it usually depends on the relationship and girl for me.

Nick told me yesterday that I was the most independent person he knows. Being the most anything to someone is always interesting. “Independent?”, I asked. After living with me for a few months, he hasn’t known anyone else who can stay in their room for days on end, he explained. “More like no life”, I thought.

Ever since I was a kid, I haven’t had many friends. For about two years in grade three to grade four, I hung around Andrew and Alex mostly, but this ended when they switched schools. Until grade eight, I had no one to talk to or do things with. I was the friendly loner in school, the person no one disliked who was never invited to anything. In grade eight I became fast friends with Greg, until I swapped schools with him, and he found a more popular group. Then once again, I ate lunches by myself. For two entire summers, and — I do not embellish this one bit — I stayed in my house and played solitaire for four months, unless visiting relatives.

In grade eleven I became friends with John (even though I’ve known him since grade five) but John was even more of a loner than me. We would do some crazy shit during our lunches, and ended up pissing off more than one teacher. Ever since then, I’ve had an anchor, someone I could turn to and talk to, although moving to a different city has hindered the amount of time we could spend together.

In the first and second year of university I wouldn’t leave my room. People called it “the dungeon”, and asked me what I was doing outside whenever I was waiting for an elevator. I didn’t get along too well with the people on my floor (intolerance, yet again) and the friends I made in class weren’t anti-social, but weren’t social as well. I would get to my room on Fridays, and generally not leave until I had to go back to class on Monday.

It’s only been in third year, after meeting Aaron and Trolley, that I feel like I’ve come into a comfortable group. I’ve been fortunate to have picked up some good friends along the way, such as Eugene, Dina, and Pat, but our relationships are more limited, due to a lack of time spent together. I mean, Aaron and Trolley are the ones I can get drunk with, stoned with, who take care of me, who I exchange secrets with, who I feel most comfortable with. (Oddly enough, my ultimate test for this is how loud I can sing in front of them, but that’s another story altogether)

However, most people are busy with school now, and I’m left in my room most of the time. I actually do stay in the apartment quite a bit, and yet it doesn’t feel strange to me. I’ve been trained my whole life to be a loner, as someone with no life. Perhaps this can be seen as some sort of independence, but in reality I’m dependent on my friends. I’m just waiting until everyone is done school and has enough free time to do things. I can’t wait until that happens.

And if I end up no friends? I think I’d be sad.

But I’d be used to it.

My wish has come true, and Billy Talent is playing here next month. I already bought four tickets, and Jono is buying his own set. All I need now is some ear plugs. Since I’m the only one out of my group who doesn’t mosh, I’m hoping that Jono or one his friends doesn’t either so that I’ll have someone to stand with at least. It’s always easier to find everyone afterwards as long as no one is alone.

The only time I delete entries is when I regain sobriety.

Pat is a very easy going guy. It’s rare for him to be angry or annoyed with someone, as aggravating as they can be. He has his four basic rules of getting along with people, which are a part of his personality. To me, they perfectly explain how I can’t walk ten minutes with him on campus without someone walking by and greeting him. He’s one of the most popular, friendly, outgoing people I know.

So I was surprised to hear him tell me about someone he met whom he couldn’t stand. After all, this is Patty, the guy who loves and is loved by everyone. I didn’t believe him until he explained how this person stood for everything he was against. Pat holds respect for others as one of the most important things in life, and this person had none.

It was odd to think that Pat has a natural “enemy”, someone who contradicts him in almost every way, until I realized that I have one as well. I’ve met a person who is everything I try not to be. He’s obnoxious, untrustworthy, crude, overbearing, pussy-whipped, jealous, and closed-minded. He has a decent set of manners, is generally friendly to most people, and does have a reasonable intelligence as far as I can tell, but none of this can really make up for what he’s like.

I can feel myself being slightly, uncontrollably biased against him, which I can’t stand in myself. One of Pat’s rules is that everyone should be given a fair chance, and even though I feel like I’ve given more than enough time for this person to change my opinion, I’m never sure if it’s enough. I hate being biased.

I generally can’t stand most people, but that’s my fault because of my intolerance. This person, however, is one of the only people I don’t blame myself for. Perhaps I dislike him so much because he reminds me a lot of what I used to be. Of course, Aaron thinks that this is a good thing, a reminder of how far I’ve been able to come as a person.

Sometimes that’s just hard to see.

After a more than one year hiatus, and generous ribbing by Jonathan, I’ve made a new 1280×1024 desktop background in jpg format. I wanted something very clean and simple, and spent almost four hours toying around in Photoshop yesterday, starting from scratch. I was lucky enough to manage the ribbon effect, which happened completely by chance with the right oscillation, the right canvas size, and the right gradient effect. I used my original generation, because I haven’t been able to produce quite the same results, and I’m afraid that I won’t be able to again.

My adoration of the Dali font is pretty obvious in most of the graphic design I do, and in this case I use it to balance out the dual circle graphic on the screen. Both pictures in the dual circle graphic were old stock photos I had taken a few years ago. I had forgotten about the start menu when trying to centre the entire area, so everything is shifted up about 15 pixels.

I’ll probably make versions for other resolutions. A problem I often have with background design is that I’m usually too much of a web designer, and end up with very complex, cluttered backgrounds that sometimes look like page layouts. I enjoy the filter effect, and how everything is almost white washed. The entire piece is a representation of the most neutral of my emotions lately, a kind of supine view of the world that makes everything level out. I think this one is my best backgrounds to date, and I’m rather proud of it.