I’ve been listening to my Dwarves collection to get in the mood for the punk concert tonight. My guess is that I’ll be the only Asian guy, let alone Chinese guy, there. It’s too bad their songs are all so short, I find that my playlist loops after only a few moments.

I watched Deliverance yesterday. I expected more to happen. So many movies nowadays are huge, sweeping epics that I guess I’m used to characters going to hell and back à la Armageddon. Still, it was a good movie, but I’d have to watch it again to be able to appreciate the themes of man vs. adversity and nature.

It’s the FUCKING DWARVES! They’re playing at Babylon tomorrow at 7:00 pm. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go at first, since I don’t know any of the opening bands and the Dwarves are notorious for their short sets, but Iain talked me into it. Seeing the antics of Blag and HEWHOCANNOTBENAMED will be worth it in itself. That, combined with being able to see how their new female bassist, Tazzie Bushweed, interacts with the band, and I can’t help but get excited.

Yo.

It’s been difficult to write lately. Sometimes I peruse other peoples’ blogs, note their wit and style, and wish I could write as interestingly as they do. Then I remember that I only write for myself anyway and that it doesn’t matter if I sound boring or pretentious. Nevertheless, my writers’ block has partially been due to the fact that I’ve been experiencing some odd mood swings. It’s not even so much due to the ephemeral nature of my emotions, but more related to the fact that I don’t understand what I’m feeling.

Some things make me happy. Some things make me depressed.

I think I’m mostly just content, which is a feeling I’m not quite used to yet. It’s almost as if I’m floating in a pool of lukewarm liquid, unsure of what my senses tell me. All I know is that my dysthymic phase has long left me. For now, I have resigned myself to experiencing such emotions with an open mind, with the hope that I will some day understand them.

I remember wanting to keep my emotions in check a long time ago, wanting to become a completely cerebral person. Nowadays, I’m not so sure that this was such a good idea, not that I’ve been able to fully succeed in such a monstrous task. Perhaps a balance is needed in something such as this as well. A lack of emotions may cause a better appreciation for the few emotions one experiences, or vice-versa.

My rationale has changed on this because my experiences have changed. Growing up in a chaotic world of confusion and pain, I wanted an emotional barrier to prevent any further mental agony. Now, I’ve accomplished more, loved more, been loved more, and felt more. Perhaps I now feel that happiness is worth the possibility of mental anguish. Sometimes it feels as if I’m waiting for a terrible incident to revert my views. Life, however, seems to be getting better.

I just wish I knew what I was feeling.

I honestly don’t think I’d mind if someone left me at a hospital by myself.

I find myself unable to stay up late nowadays, the time that writing comes easiest to me. I wake up in the middle of these summer nights and can’t fall back asleep. In the end, I regain lost sleep by taking mid-day naps, a habit I’ll have to break once I find a job. My parents would ask me whether I slept well, when I was younger, and being a child at the time, knew nothing but exceptional slumber. “Of course”, I would tell them, with a confused look on my face. To me, naps were always a sign of old age, and perhaps I’m getting older.

I’ve recently switched from having bacon with egg on toast in the mornings to having a bacon and egg sandwich. The difference in preparation lies in the style of eggs. Whereas sunny-side up compliments toast with it’s oh-so-dippable runniness, a pair of over-hard eggs go much better in any hand held meal.