Monthly Archives: June 2003

Double-Sided Toast

When I was young, I dis­cov­ered that toast can be enjoyed with­out spread. I would pull the crust off, then split the toast in two (width­wise), so that both toasted sides became sep­a­rated. Each side would then be eaten slowly, care­fully, so that as much toasted sur­face would come in con­tact with my tongue as pos­si­ble. The best part was feel­ing the rough sur­face graze my taste­buds while the soft cen­tre became latched to the roof of my mouth.

I had always believed that such an eat­ing method was unique, and never thought that any­one else would know of this. However, Allison told me that this is her pre­ferred method of eat­ing toast, and now I under­stand the method as being more eso­teric than unique. I won­der who else knows about such a thing, and how they came about that knowledge.

Drowsy Thoughts

It’s 9:18 in the morn­ing and I can’t sleep. I ended up falling asleep around 5 and wak­ing up around 8:30. I dis­cov­ered a splin­ter in my foot I must have acquired while walk­ing to get a glass of water. There’s too much activ­ity in my brain. Perhaps I’ll fall back asleep again, when I can for­get about all this, so I don’t need to think so much. Not that my think­ing is voluntary.

I’ll let this song play me out. I’m rarely one who’s able to stop in the middle.

Mofuckingtif

Thou map of woe, that thus dost talk in signs!
When thy poor heart beats with out­ra­geous beat­ing,
Thou canst not strike it thus to make it still.
Wound it with sigh­ing, kill it with groans;
Or get some lit­tle knife between thy teeth,
And just against thy heart make thou a hole;
That all the tears that thy poor eyes let fall
May run into that sink, and soak­ing in
Drown the lament­ing fool in sea-salt tears.

—Titus Andronicus

And On It Goes

Is it just me, or are beer com­mer­cials becom­ing more and more insult­ing? Every other beer ad I see nowa­days says noth­ing about the beer itself, but has some images tar­geted at a spe­cific mar­ket. For exam­ple, there’s the Labatt Blue “Cheers. To Friends” cam­paign, with it’s enter­tain­ing but point­less Jackass exploits. This hap­pens to be one of the bet­ter series of ads (along with the Alexander Keith’s “Spilly Talker” series), which is not only well done, but doesn’t only show attrac­tive women.

Other com­mer­cials, such as the one telling us that “guys can con­cen­trate on things other than hockey” while show­ing a bar full of men star­ing at a female bar­tender, com­pletely piss me the FUCK off. Why the fuck would some­one show some­thing like that? Do they expect guys to say, “Yeah, that’s true!! Ha ha!”, give each other a high-five, run to the beer store and buy that brand?

Or how about the “Less is more” series, with some mildly amus­ing sit­u­a­tions involv­ing peo­ple wear­ing clothes that don’t fit, due to two work­ers fab­ric com­pany try­ing to save costs on mate­ri­als? The “punch­line” to these com­mer­cials is a woman wear­ing a tiny tube top walk­ing into a bar (the size being due to the sav­ing of fab­ric, no less), the two work­ers real­iz­ing that they’ve done the right thing, and as a result, are able to dance with the woman. The list goes on and on.

What the fuck are these com­mer­cials try­ing to say? That guys are so base as to be swayed by pretty colours and images? That we would choose a shitty tast­ing beer based on the women or humour in the com­mer­cial? Why wouldn’t you just describe the beer and the char­ac­ter­is­tics, so that peo­ple who like pale brews can know about what makes a brand unique? At least say some­thing about how good the beer tastes, instead of try­ing to tell me about how women will have sex with me if I drink a cer­tain brand.

Jesus fuck­ing Christ.