It’s break-up fucking season.

I feel…alone. I wish I could speak to someone who could understand. I wish I could express my feelings the way I wish. What a perfect time to write.

I’ve been working on my graphics project all day. I have almost everything done now, with the cells co-ordinating their movements in a 3D Game of Life dance. They grow and shrink as the rules dictate, and although I have some bugs to iron out, and some bells and whistles to add, it shouldn’t take too long.

My cryptography presentation went alright. We didn’t quite formally rehearse, so I spoke for 15 out of the 20 minutes allocated to us, when three of us had speaking to do. We were fairly rushed at the end, but I think that we got our points through well. I felt that I did a great job at opening the presentations, and at explaining my part. Mike, Pat, Iain, and I went to get loaded before the presentation, but unfortunately, the shock of the situation sobered me up rather efficiently. After all, it was the first presentation I’ve had to do through all of university.

I feel better after playing a few games with Darren. Somehow we made it under the 300th mark, with a 55–7 record at level 14. I believe the height of my addiction was most evident when I was watching a movie where a man gets trapped in a bathroom by some triad members, and the first thing that I thought of was the item box, and town portaling to a safe location.

I might going to the Dominican Republic when school ends.

I’ve listened to some of the Tool songs off of the strings tribute album, and they’re not very good. The strings are greatly lacking in energy, and sometimes bare little resemblance to the songs they’re paying homage to. One can tell that the composer is inspired by Tool composings, but the instrumentalists are insipid in their performance.

The Honest Lawyer yesterday was relaxing and frustrating at the same time. I never I had a chance to really savour the fries this time though, since I felt so guilty about munching on Wheaties’ last time. All in all though, I think I’d rather not have gone.

I’ve always thought that Beth Gibbons had an amazingly attractive quality to her, not only from the distinctive timbre of her voice, but also from the grace and gentleness of her figure captured in her photographs. I’m trying out some of her latest side-project work with Rustin Man, and so far the sound has been amusingly unique, a mix of acoustic guitar with bittersweet melodies.

When I think of the Chinese culture, a very specific image comes into my head, of a father dominated family, parents who don’t know their children, and closed-minded individuals.

I think my upbringing has exposed me to such a one-sided aspect of Chinese life. Almost every Chinese family I’ve met is like this. It wouldn’t be so bad if I saw the kids as growing up and surpassing such limited individualism. And yet most of the Chinese people my age just seem to be falling into the same childish mindset, a product of parental (mis)guidance, in my humble opinion.

It almost makes me sick.

When I read about Chinese history, I’m fascinated about how wisdom is held in such reverence, and how scholars are so respected. The same virtues seem to hold for Chinese people today, except that they don’t truly understand why academics are important, or why one should learn an instrument.

I wish I didn’t have such a limited view of a culture with such great history. I wish I could be exposed to an amazing Chinese family. I wish something could change my view.

All of this has created such a distaste of Asian looking girls in me. It’s as if my mind makes an unfair association.

I’m stuck.

I’ve been rather restless the last few days. I can’t seem to concentrate, or do anything productive. I think it’s the fact that I’m so oddly moodless, that I don’t feel like doing anything in particular.

I feel…dirty. I’m unsatisfied with my XP theme, and I won’t have time to polish it until the summer. Whenever I try a new theme, it’s either not simple and clean enough, or it’s too bright. I’m using the nxPro theme right now, with Y’z Dock to replace my shortcut icons, which is the sweet MacOS toolbar for Windows XP, complete with transparency and 32-bit icon support.

I actually forgot about a geo class I had earlier this week. That worries me, because I’ve never forgotten a class before, even through high school. Usually when I skip something, I’m very conscious of my skipping it. This is one of the classes that I can’t skip anyway though, so I’m a little worried. Maybe it’s a sign of my getting older. I’ve always found myself to be very “conscious” of things, and I almost never forgot about anything. I remember my dad telling me how sometimes he would peel an orange, and then throw the orange in the garbage and start to nibble on the peel by mistake. Scary.

A bunch of people are going out to the Honest Lawyer tomorrow to celebrate Aaron’s and Iain’s birthday. I have a cryptography presentation tomorrow as well, which might conflict with the time everyone is meeting to have some dinner. I’ll probably present my subject (I think I’m second out of four) and just leave. I’m supposed to stay for other presentations for peer evaluation, but hopefully my other group members will cover for me.

I watched Swingers with Aaron, Trolley, and Nick on Tuesday, and I realized that it’s a movie that makes guys flinch more than watching someone take a kick in the pills.