The Current State of Lonliness

I’ve real­ized that, for some rea­son, I’m always, con­stant­ly seek­ing the approval of oth­ers. It’s some­thing that’s become a part of me, although I know that I’m able to deal with the times when I can get no approval what­so­ev­er.

I hate this about myself. It feels so damn cheap and shal­low. It can both­er me so much to know that some­one does­n’t like me, or some­thing that I’ve done.

My under­stand­ing of the rea­son why I’m like this is that my pre­vi­ous major rela­tion­ships have all hurt me in the sub­ject of accep­tance. It has affect­ed me so much that it’s some­thing that I can’t get over. I need accep­tance to ful­fill a child­hood void.

I adore praise. My mind accepts it like a vac­u­um. I let it affect me, and I don’t care. It’s some­thing that I need.

When praise leaves me, then I feel like I’m left alone, with no one who can under­stand any­thing that I do. It feels like there’s no accep­tance, like every­one hates my being.

And with this I go to sleep.

Leave a Reply