I just finished the bulk of my mid-terms, though probably not unscathed. I hope that I can pass all of them, but I believe that I only passed one or two so far. I only have one left to go, but it should be much simpler, as I have the week-end to study for it. I believe that the problem this time was the fact that the three hardest mid-terms were bunched together in three consecutive days. That, and the fact that I should pay attention in class instead of trying to rescue Baby Mario from Baby Bowser. Quite the excuse.

I get to go out for lunch tomorrow at a place called The Black Tomato, as a co-worker is moving to a different division office in another city, and the workers here want to say goodbye. This means that I should be able to get an extra half-hour off work, and hopefully I can get drunk before continuing for the rest of the work day. I’ve only actually been inebriated at work twice before, both times from a drinking lunch as well. I hope they have Strongbow or Double Diamond on tap.

Louise asked me today how I can walk with my pants so baggy. I told her that walking was easy, because it feels like you’re not walking with pants on at all, which, I imagine, is a good thing.

I felt unkempt for most of the week, until today, after I was finally able to get a haircut, wash my dishes, clean my room, and just generally get things in order.

There’s something about a girl that apologizes. It’s like it makes her more human. I’ve always been one who likes girls who have their off days, instead of looking like a million bucks all the time. I guess it lets me know that they aren’t just superficial all the time, that they know that looks aren’t always important.

But when a girl apologizes, man. It turns me on. They know that they’re flawed in a way, and they have the “consciousness” to understand it.

It shows that they’ve reached the third level of understanding, as outlined below, the first level being complete ignorance, and the fourth level being complete enlightenment:

1. I don’t know that I don’t know
2. I don’t know that I know
3. I know that I don’t know
4. I know that I know

Not only does apologizing show that one is at a certain level of self-awareness, it shows that one is mature enough to admit this to oneself. And, as we know, maturity is fucking hot.

It’s the admitting to oneself that I find is much harder for people. So many people that I run into have such closed minds that they refuse to believe anything that goes against what they’ve believed for most of their lives. Sometimes, when one admits one was wrong, it invalidates a huge chunk of ones life and worldview. It’s a hard thing to do, and it takes strength, open-mindedness, and intelligence.

Of course, apologizing is nothing without change, without learning. Someone who learns greatly from their mistakes, and who isn’t afraid of making them for the sake of learning, is just amazing.

It all adds up; almost everything that I look for in a girl is encapsulated in one simple act of apologizing. It certainly makes things much simpler.

Yet more complicated at the same time.

I think I’m completely fucked for my mid-terms. It usually takes some failing at the beginning of the term to tell my brain that I need to get my ass in gear. So usually I’ll fail the mid-term, then do fine on the final. It’s like I need to know that I’m failing to pressure myself to do better. I’ve certainly got the first part down well; I got a 18.5% algorithms assignment handed back to me yesterday, and 45% project proposal. I hope to do better. It is NOT a good time to get addicted to Warcraft 3.

I bought some Infusium 23 for my terribly damaged hair that Natalie recommended to me, and it’s amazing. It really is as good as the conditioner that comes with hair dye kits.

I found out about a book called Soul Mountain by a man named Gao Xingjian. I read the summary, and found out that it had won a Nobel prize for literature in 2000. I was very interested. Apparently it’s an œuvre in which he explains many facets of his life, which I imagine has much to do with persecution in China. I would very much like to read it, but I still have Moby Dick to finish, and the Moonstone to start. I’d also like to get through The Glass Bead Game, which is also a Nobel laureate, but a book I once found too dense in vocabulary to comprehend. Many of the reviews I’ve found about the Glass Bead Game say that it’s a book which has changed peoples lives, and from what I can tell, it’s a book which not many can sort through (i.e. pseudo-intellectuals can’t use it as a phantom symbol of their superior knowledge).

Speaking of intellectual poseurs, I was in contact with one just the other day, though on friendly terms. She didn’t say anything that made me think of intellectual superficiality, but as I hadn’t spoken to her in a while, and her being one of the few that I know, I was reminded of this strange complex. I feel compelled to write about it.

I’m not quite sure what it is about this aspect of a person that makes me go mad with frustration. Perhaps it’s the fact that they don’t truly understand things which I may find beautiful. All I can think is, “You’re missing the message!”, or “Who did you get that opinion from?”.

Of course, I understand that people may see beauty in different ways, and interpret an artists message quite differently than other people. I suppose that it’s not in their opinion that I see shallowness, it’s how they come to that opinion.

Take American Beauty, for example. The pseudo-intellectuals that I know enjoy that movie because they find the symbol of the roses to be so deep. The think that the image of the plastic bag is so meaningful. They don’t realize that all of the symbols, all of the imagery is just handed to them. All they see is a character who thinks intellectually in the film and they think, “Wow. This movie is so deep”.

I guess it’s better than an ignorant person saying, “I didn’t like Magnolia, it was trying to be all weird and stuff”. At least the poseurs are trying to be smart. Of course, I even know complete idiots who say that they enjoyed American Beauty because it “made them think”.

I simply wish that a pseudo-intellectual would try to actually comprehend something, instead of using popular opinion, or believing that something is meaningful simply because there is a meaningful element. Or that they would have no opinion on a piece of art they don’t understand, instead of disliking it for the fact.

Of course, I wouldn’t appreciate the truly intellectual people I know without them.

I’m just not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

Aaron’s got himself some negative maintenance. I want in on something like that.

The idea that I have tons of work to do is finally settling in my brain.