I’ve always enjoyed watching actors perform conflict leading to tragedy. There’s something about the way they can express their emotions, the hopelessness of it all. Out of the 21 movies that I own, nine of them are tragedies. They are as follows: Lolita, The End of the Affair, Being John Malkovich, Casino, Leon: The Professional, Goodfellas, Titus, Onegin, and Scarface.

Perhaps I can relate to some of the conflicts that arise, or the seemingly desolate situations that come upon them. In all tragedies, a common element is the way in which the situations will never end well. The corruption of an innocent, organized crime, unrequited love, all themes that can have no peaceful resolution, yet are so attractive in a terribly hopeless way.

The conflicts that arise always seem to be so emotional, so powerful. Perhaps it’s the way in which the conflicts are presented that has always drawn me. Perhaps it comforts me to know that someone has been through similar conflicts as I have, and that they understand this, that they can reproduce it, that they can do it justice.

The actors usually seem to be able to portray an innocence, an ignorance of the only possible outcome in their faces. The look of peaceful bliss on Humbert Humbert, after kissing Dolores for the second time, seems to be a particularly striking example. He seems completely unaware that his actions, though tempting, are not only lawfully wrong, but morally wrong as well.

Perhaps I’m just trying to relate to an idea which is actually beyond my experience, and I cling to this idea for comfort or for pity.

Perhaps I’m simply searching for an answer to the way my current situation will resolve. Onegin seems to be particularly relevant. It seems to be the most realistic answer as of now.

It’s something that I don’t usually think about until the night sets in. The blackness of the sky always makes me wonder.

I wish I knew the answer.