I wouldn’t consider myself a jealous person. After all, how can one be jealous when one is sure of oneself? It’s a contradiction to me. Almost always, in my relationships, this is true. However, a special case has come up, and I am jealous, an emotion I haven’t experienced in a long while. Yet there is nothing I can do about it. I can only sit here and take it. This isn’t something that I can change about myself. I am very insecure about this, and I have reason to be.

This jealousy nibbles inside me, creating an odd world of dysthymia. As long as I am jealous, I will be able to write and learn. God, I sound like something out of a Graham Greene novel. I was once afraid that I was becoming boring, having been given much in life, with nothing to write about.

Ah, well, let’s lay this issue to rest for today until I learn some more, and I can see the situation more clearly.

I do need to clear my head.