I’m extremely tired. My kit­ten kept me up all night. She took the mid­dle of the bed, so I kinda had to sleep around her. I kept wak­ing up, every time I needed to shift posi­tions, scared that I would crush her. I’ve been play­ing with her dur­ing the evening so she loses a bit of the noc­tur­nal instinct to go crazy at night. I named her Dolly, after Nobokov’s char­ac­ter Dolores Haze. I needed to keep the name under two syl­la­bles, and I think that it’s a good sym­bol of the way one can never tell whether a cat or human is the mas­ter, just as you couldn’t tell whether Dolores or Humber was in control.

I feel so unor­ga­nized. I have so many things to do it seems. Take care of this, take care of that. I think that I’ve brought a lot of respon­si­bil­ity on myself, adopt­ing a kit­ten, apply­ing for a Big Brother posi­tion, doing this and doing that. I think that I feel much more mature and impor­tant when I do all this. Perhaps it’s a cry for atten­tion, but I doubt it. It feels like I’m sud­denly being over­loaded with things to do. I didn’t fin­ish a sin­gle one of the three assign­ments that I had due this week. I’ve actu­ally been los­ing sleep, which is an extremely rare thing for me.

I felt so guilty about those assign­ments. I’m pretty sure that I failed one of them. I just need to keep every­thing in per­spec­tive, some­thing that Sam taught me so long ago it seems. Everything feels so chaotic, spi­ral­ing out­wards like Yeats’ fal­con from the fal­coner. Not that I think the Second Coming as at hand, of course, but things just seem so com­pli­cated right now. They’re noth­ing com­pared to other peo­ples’ prob­lems, I know, but I’m not use to being so responsible.