I’m not sure what to think right now, but I know that I’m steaming. I’m boiling. I need to calm down. I haven’t been this angry in a while. I need to calm myself. I need to write while I’m shaking. I need to get this emotion down, and break it apart, piece by piece until I can see why and how I can get like this.

This is all so very interesting. I sit here, my heart beating, my hands shaking, my mind throbbing, breathing deeply, trying to take in calmness with each inhalation. System of a Down pumps in my ears, the scratchy sound of my headphones hurts with the greatest of delight. I miss the bass. I feel my blood pumping through my veins, feeding passion through every ventricle, making me mad with rage.

I try to keep my sanity, my cerebrality, my mind. I turn up my music. Only logic can help me here. I grip to every shred of calm I have, so as to not act on some superfluous emotion.

Only this can bring me closure, can give me resolution. A screen of grey, of sombre colours, of seriousness pointing to serenity.

I have learned.