I feel anti-social today, which is not good, con­sid­er­ing the fact that I have to go to a con­cert with peo­ple I know.

This seems to be a feel­ing that fol­lows me around a lot. As Pita said yes­ter­day, I become dis­ap­pointed when peo­ple don’t meet my expec­ta­tions. I sup­pose I have lost a lot of faith in the human race, but can I be blamed for that? And many, many peo­ple don’t meet my expec­ta­tions. That’s fine, I guess, since I’d rather be alone than with peo­ple that piss me off.

And so I write here again, in hid­den mean­ings, about things I can’t seem to deal with, about the world in gen­eral. John once told me that I need to be more tol­er­ant. I agree, I agree. John is the mas­ter of tol­er­ance. I don’t know how he does it, but he can just deal with any­thing that’s thrown at him. Serenity is some­thing that I was not born with.

Perhaps Sam has affected me more than I con­sciously real­ize. An affect that seems to have marked me for life, as Humbert Humbert had after meet­ing Annabel. It is arro­gant of me to com­pare myself to such a beau­ti­ful, intel­li­gent, though tragic, char­ac­ter as Humbert.

I hope I can get through this day.